Last night I was discussing this blog with Larry (that would be my boyfriend, for those of you not keeping up ;-) ). We were talking about the things I had written about lately, the number of people viewing the blog, but most importantly we were discussing what I should write about next. I commented that it definitely needs to be something fun, as many of my topics lately have been really serious. He knew I had plans with a friend later that night so he suggested we go out and do something fun and then write about that, but I wasn’t sure how I could make that into a Five On Friday topic. As I tried to come up with topics I jokingly told him I was going to write about the 5 reasons you shouldn’t date single moms. Of course he kiddingly replied that he would love to read that, because he might need some reasons. Of course over the last year I am sure I have already given him plenty of reasons, but that’s beside the point. At the time we were just joking about it, but once I had said it I decided it really is something I might do. After I got home I decided to do a search on the topic, to see what I found, and then could decide if it was something I would really do. Well I did a basic google search and found a ridiculous amount of articles on the topic. Apparently dating a single mom is bad, Bad, BAD, and you shouldn’t do it EVER!
I will say many of the articles define a single mom as a mom who had a child out of wedlock or is divorced, some specify that those are different things, but in most cases they were lumped together. After reading through many of the articles I picked out some of my favorite reasons, and that’s what I am going to share with you today. They might be a bit crazy, or you might completely agree with them, as far as what I think, you’ll have to read on and see!
Reason #1: This reason was listed on almost every article I read, but I think this article says it best (or worst whatever the case may be), “Baby Damage – Birth has a traumatic effect on the female form. Pregnancy leaves stretch marks, saggy breasts, and c-section scars. I’ve also heard that the nookie is even stretch out and it isn’t the same anymore. Then there’s the weight gain. Most women NEVER LOSE IT or they never get their former hot shape back.” Have you ever fallen off a bike? Do you have any scars on your body? Have you ever put on a little weight? If so you clearly wouldn’t be good enough for the person who wrote this article. After all a women’s body is created purely to satisfy men and give them something to stare at. We all knew that was the case right? Wait a minute; I don’t think that was the reason at all! Women’s bodies do amazing things during pregnancy, birth, and beyond. Okay so her boobs might be a bit different, probably because they were used for what they were intended for. She might have a few extra stretch marks, or she might not. Of course all moms are huge and have gained a ton of weight they haven’t taken off, I mean that’s clearly the case right? WRONG! Many women stay in shape during their pregnancy and after. I for one weigh less now than when I got pregnant, and am in just as good of shape, if not better. However, anyone who would write something like this clearly isn’t someone I would want to date anyway. I think instead of being titled 13 Reasons To Avoid Dating Single Mothers, it should have been titled Women Beware!
“Dishonest. A single mother is a LIAR. It’s how she gets what she wants. It’s how she manipulates people. It’s how she takes care of her kids. It’s how she survives in this world.
Single mothers lie. And they LIE ALL THE TIME. They lie to men about their age, their height, their weight, how many kids they have, the job they do.
On top of the lies they tell to others They lie to themselves. They lie about about how beautiful they are. They lie telling themselves they’re still a catch. They lie telling themselves they still have a chance with a good man. They lie telling themselves that their lives will be happily ever after one day.
The horrible truth is without those lies most of those single mothers would realize how pathetic their lives are. How they have no options in the dating scene. That they’re at the bottom of the barrel in the dating scene and the only men who want them are pathetic Manginas and thirsty Simps.”
Wow, so not only are they liars, but they are also the lowest of low, and guys that date them really must be pathetic. Weird, I definitely never thought of my boyfriend as pathetic, but then again I also never lie to him. In fact I don’t lie to people at all. I want to be an excellent role model for my daughter so I live my life in a way she could be proud of and that means no lying. I also respect my relationship, and am with someone who respects it as well. We have both learned from past relationships, and work to make this one great and that definitely doesn’t include lying.
Reason #3: They aren’t good at relationships. In this article they suggest that either the woman is obsessed with marriage, which is why she chose the wrong guy the first time, or she was the problem in the relationship. Many other articles also suggest that clearly the woman isn’t good at relationships if she is divorced and/ or a single mom. It’s interesting to me that none of these articles suggest that the other partner could have been the problem in a relationship. Why is all the blame placed on the single mom? It definitely takes two to make a relationship work, but I guess according to these articles if it fails one way or another it’s definitely the ladies fault. That's especially odd to me, because the single dads I know had everything blamed on them as well, and if it's all the woman's fault, it can't also be all the guys fault, but clearly the people who write these articles aren't exactly geniuses so maybe they can't figure that out.
Reason #4: You will always come second. That's totally not..... wait a minute, that totally it true! This is another one of those things listed everywhere, and one I actually agree with. You will come second to the child, and you should come second to the child. That does not mean you can’t be in a healthy and happy relationships. I am curious about the people who use this theory. Are they all people who don’t want a family? Would they not be alright coming second to their own child or is it just because it’s another person’s child? This is another one of those reasons that should be labeled Women Beware. I definitely wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t okay with me putting my child first, and I definitely wouldn’t want to be in a family like that. Now, don’t get me wrong I think children witnessing a healthy relationship is very important so I think your significant other should be a priority in your life, and I think that benefits everyone, but children’s needs should be met and shouldn’t be pushed aside just because someone is selfish and insists on being number one in all aspects of someone’s life.
Reason #5: They will make you pay for everything. Several articles listed this reason, and it honestly made me chuckle. They went on to point out if there are kids involved everything will cost more and it will all be left for the guy to handle. I don’t know what world those people are living in, but I definitely don’t make my boyfriend pay for everything. We both pay for different things, and make plans based on what we can afford at the time. Isn’t that how most relationships work? Yes, it is more expensive with the kids involved, but in my relationship many of our happiest times are when the kids are involved, and often that’s doing things that are free. I guess if someone isn’t okay doing free things they probably shouldn’t date a single mom though, because single parents are usually pretty great about finding things to do that are inexpensive or completely free.
So now that you have heard the 5 reasons you shouldn’t date a single mom I am going to give you one good reason you should.
THEY ARE AWESOME! That’s a great reason right? Okay, so maybe not all of them are awesome, but that’s the thing; not all of them are great, and not all of them are horrible. They are regular people and just like everyone else there are some great ones and there are some horrible ones. If you get to know a single mom and you develop feelings for her, date her, if you don’t develop feelings for her, then don’t date her, but lumping everyone into categories like this is crazy. If you aren’t mature enough to handle dating a single mom then please do them a favor and don’t do it. That’s a personal choice and that’s okay, but don’t put all single moms down because of your preference.
I am glad Larry chose to date me although I have a daughter, and I am glad I chose to date him although he has a daughter. That might even make us exempt from all these crazy rules, since we are both single parents, but we have definitely still heard about it. Many people told us in the beginning, it would never work, but so far we are proving them wrong. We have been together over a year, and the four of us love spending time together. We have grown together, learned together, and definitely laughed together. Yes, there are times that are hard, but that’s the case in any relationship. Ultimately though we have both learned a lot from our past, and even more from being parents, and drawing on all of that has made us the people we are, the person the other fell in love with, and the reason our relationship is strong, and I definitely wouldn’t have it any other way.