tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30773409669125060062024-03-13T11:51:12.220-05:00Katie's ThoughtsKatiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.comBlogger126125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-46940542995528000012019-10-11T15:32:00.000-05:002019-10-11T15:32:20.109-05:00Full CircleLast night as I was dashing out the door to studio and Nick was headed to rehearsal we both stepped in the hallway to have the other check our outfits. Such a simple and normal moment in our lives, something we've done for years, even taking each other shopping because we know they'll be brutally honest and we can trust their opinion.<br />
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<br />
<br />
In the past year I've helped pick clothes for vacations, clothes for funerals, shoes for nights on the town, and most importantly engagement and wedding rings as he was planning his future with his soon to be wife.<br />
<br />
We've always been close and for years our mom referred to me as his second mom. When he came home for weekends during college he would spend one night at home and one night at my place. When we were little I was the translator that deciphered his baby talk and let everyone know what he was saying. When he was a baby I had to be told to stop carrying him everywhere and bringing him whatever he pointed at, because that meant there was no need for him to learn to walk. He spent his toddler years crawling in my sleeping bag as we had campouts in the living room. Years later I gave him his first drink of alcohol and there will always be memories and stories we don't share with mom and dad. I was there for his accomplishments, setbacks, heartbreaks, and now his love story.<br />
<br />
I introduced Nick and Jenn Davis years ago when she was a model and he was a photographer. It started as a business like partnership, quickly became a friendship, and many years later, when the two of them caught up to what several of us already knew was inevitable, they began their happily ever after.<br />
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Nick has been an instrumental part of Ashley's life from the moment she was born. For years we joked he needed a shirt saying "I'm just the uncle" and she will still unapologetically tell you he's her favorite person. He's been a huge part of our little family and tomorrow he starts his own.<br />
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There may have been a few tears, but I couldn't be happier for him and his beautiful bride. And after 32 years of being his big sister, or "second mom" the lessons still the same, it's once again time for him to walk on his own, in a new direction, hand in hand with the love of his life, as they begin their own family, and continue their happily ever after.<br />
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Congratulations Nick and Jenn. Love you both!Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-40026921365336830942019-10-09T01:51:00.003-05:002019-10-09T01:51:55.194-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
This quote comes back time and time again. So exact in the way I feel.<br />
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Everything in me knows I should be mad, I should hate you, and through tears I've said I do, but everyone knows it's not true.<br />
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I've gotten angry. I've wanted to lash out. So many times I've wanted to ask why this is so easy for you, but then I remember the countless messages I've left on read, and the dozens of calls I've refused to answer, yet they don't stop coming, and I know the truth, easy and unphased is just the mask you put on to get through the day.<br />
<br />
My entire life I've believed love doesn't fade, it doesn't go away, and when you love you love forever. Now more than ever I know that's true.<br />
<br />
I've always said "sometimes you simply have to love from far away" but there's nothing simple about it. It's like trying to live your life without part of your heart, missing part of your soul.<br />
<br />
I can't go back. I don't want to. So I try to move on. I'm surrounded by great people. I've had wonderful dates. Everything I thought I ever wanted was offered to me. I should be over the moon. I should be estatic and filled with joy. And yet... all I feel is nothing... overwhelming numbness, complete emptiness.<br />
<br />
So here I sit, not wanting to go back, unable to move forward; just waiting for a moment that sets my soul on fire, one that makes me complete once again.Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-6690233213368512019-09-08T03:25:00.000-05:002019-09-08T03:25:49.308-05:00You Weren't ThereI finished directorship and earned my free car, but you weren't there.<br />
<br />
I met my favorite comedian this week, but you weren't there.<br />
<br />
I got my test results back, and I'm a little scared, but you weren't there.<br />
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I heard our song again, and had to hide the tears, but you weren't there.<br />
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I fought the urge to call and tell you, because you weren't there<br />
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I cried myself to sleep again last night, but you weren't there.<br />
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You said you'd always be there, you promised me forever, but you weren't there.Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-85400814561780237612019-06-24T23:35:00.002-05:002019-09-08T03:37:31.777-05:00"It'll Be Okay, It'll All Be Okay"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5zo3y5-wq3WcmDNdrvQjGSD7mdQ1lWrJJHiMjcdeJ73lIICCCfUpzoXZrY9BlChoySO3D5G49T4K0sA2J0uoPwahmj2bwHyoQNrzKSIxgzq227YWvUwuPQWYV3PEz42UmYRXrxqgQoW_K/s1600/loneliness-quotes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="620" data-original-width="1024" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5zo3y5-wq3WcmDNdrvQjGSD7mdQ1lWrJJHiMjcdeJ73lIICCCfUpzoXZrY9BlChoySO3D5G49T4K0sA2J0uoPwahmj2bwHyoQNrzKSIxgzq227YWvUwuPQWYV3PEz42UmYRXrxqgQoW_K/s320/loneliness-quotes.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
It's supposed to be my favorite event of the year, it always has been before. This is my 6th year, and I knew it would be different this year, but as it got closer the more it dawned on me. I kept blaming it on the venue change, or my new team. Maybe it was the lack of communication and disorganization from the new venue? It'll be harder because I am stressed out. I am not as excited because I am in pain and my health isn't good. I am worried because of my additional responsibilities, and honestly the lineup isn't my favorite anyway.... I pushed the real reason father down the closer it got.<br />
<br />
The night before I was supposed to leave I stayed at the comedy club for hours, just talking, and planning...... and stalling. Questioning if I should even go. The media packets weren't ready; that was a good excuse. I didn't have everything in place, money was tight, the weather was iffy, people would believe me if I gave any of the millions of reasons there were not to go, everyone would believe me, everyone except me.<br />
<br />
I knew the truth, I knew they were all perfectly good reasons not to go. I knew they were all going to make the trip hard. I knew that they were all reasons I wasn't as excited as normal, but more than anything I knew that I could overcome them, and the real truth was the only thing that would keep me from going was YOU.<br />
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This was our event, the event we had worked together so many times before. Through the good and the bad, no matter what was going on between us, one thing we could absolutely do as a team was work this festival, and we could work it flawlessly.<br />
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I will never forget the day I was trying to explain that I would need someone to fill in for you on one of the days you couldn't be there. Someone suggested I write a job description explaining what it is you do during festival week, I said ya right what's that supposed to say "Seeking someone to keep me on schedule, jump into crowds and save me when things get rough, run across festival grounds, fix my hair and makeup when necessary, run a video camera, remind me repeatedly that everything's going to be okay, keep my blood sugar regulated, help schedule and run interviews, be available for whatever pops up, help with social media, keep our team in check, and have a completely flexible schedule for the entire week!" They just laughed and said "Yeah you might just have to go without him for the day, don't think you're going to fill that spot."<br />
<br />
Then there's the look on your face the day I told you that we would be interviewing Dallas Smith. The memories of the first Blackjack Billy interview, the Alan Jackson performance, the countless nights in the hang tent, or the day I told the guy from Getty there are only 7 billion people in the world so they don't have 9 billion followers and you died laughing, and that's just the beginning.<br />
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But here I was the night before Stampede knowing for the first time ever I was going without you. I had gone without you for a day or two, but this time for the entire event you would't be there. We were living our own lives now so this shouldn't be any different and yet it so clearly was. This was crossing a bridge that hadn't been crossed and severing a tie that couldn't be undone.<br />
<br />
So instead of packing or getting ready I stood in the parking lot of a comedy club and as one of my best friends held me I cried, and I fought every urge inside of me to call you, but I didn't give in. I just stood there as we discussed all the options, tried to come up with a plan, and debated me going. Friends tried to talk me out of going and then tried to convince me to go, but ultimately realized nothing they were saying was going to change my mind and ultimately I was going to do what I wanted or needed to do for myself.<br />
<br />
The next morning I pulled myself together, I packed my bags and I headed to Topeka, not because it's what I wanted, not because I was excited, not even because it was good for the company (although it was) but because I needed this. I needed to do this without giving into my emotions. I needed to do this for me.<br />
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<br />
<br />
Over and over I repeated "It'll be okay, it's all going to be okay!" People heard me say it all week long, no matter what happened, no media packets? "It'll be okay, it's all going to be okay!" No parking "It''ll be okay, it's all going to be okay" Rain delays? "It'll be okay, it's all going to be okay!" Mud? Gate Delays? Mice? Leaking Ceiling? Power Outages? "It'll be okay, it's all going to be okay!" and the week went on.<br />
<br />
There were enjoyable moments, and we got great photos and some amazing interviews. We met some amazing new artists, and really got lots done for the company.<br />
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There were moments that truly restored my faith in humanity as people worked together to help get everyone out of the mud and make sure everyone was safe.<br />
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And there were some rough moments.... gate delays, canceled sets, poor communication, power outages, heat, long hikes through the grounds, storms, and lots of mud.<br />
<br />
And of course there were some emotional moments... Do you know how many bands covered Matchbox 20 this weekend? 6! Seriously 6 different bands covering Matchbox!!!! Do you know how many sang Randy Houser? 2! Including John King who we interviewed, and wrote one of the songs. I struggled, but managed to hold it together through that one! How about Uptown Funk? Just 1 but I was filming when it happened and it caught me completely off guard. And do you think during any single one of those I wasn't instantly flooded with memories??? Of course not! When will they ever stop? Why do they linger on?<br />
<br />
Theb there was the moment in the campground when Damien asked from the stage if anyone wanted to hear a love song and I shook my head no, and he decided that was the perfect opportunity to tease me about knowing I was in love or at least knowing someone was in love with me and dedicating the next song to me. I held it together, but the next song he played was Rascal Flatts "What Hurts The Most" at which point I just sat in the grass with tears streaming down my face and let myself feel all the feels. Once it was over I collected myself got several hugs and went on about the night. "It'll be okay, it'll all be okay."<br />
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Then came Saturday when you decided to start texting asking "How's it going?" Everything in me wanted to scream at you, "How do you think it's going? Haven't you seen the stories we've put out or at least the stuff Stampede has put out? What do you think is happening when I have an entirely new team and an entirely new venue that's completely covered in mud????" but again I didn't give in. "It'll be okay, it'll all be okay" I had an interview to do, and I did, and again I went on with my night.<br />
<br />
<br />
Yesterday you texted again saying "Best one ever, right?" I wanted to respond, part of me wanted to lie and say yes, part of me wanted to be honest and say no.... but instead I stayed silent. I have stayed silent for months, and yet you still text. Every time I wonder if it will be the last one. I don't get it, is it the tie you're scared to sever? Maybe we're not living as completely separate lives as we think we are, or maybe it's just the sadness for what used to be.<br />
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And just for the record.... I never went in the hang tent and it wasn't the best one ever, but "It'll be okay, it'll all be okay, and it was!"<br />
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<br />Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-19524015487230444372017-05-05T17:45:00.001-05:002017-05-05T17:45:04.149-05:00TBII have a TBI (traumatic brain injury)<br />
<br />
Ive been living with it since my car accident about 3 years ago.<br />
<br />
It impacts my life every single day.<br />
<br />
I wish you understood it better. I wish the doctors understood it better. I wish I understood it better.<br />
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I have a TBI and it sucks, but I'm still trying, I keep fighting, and Im not giving up.<br />
<br />Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-80148517019889907122014-12-23T20:28:00.001-06:002014-12-23T22:19:23.975-06:00Soul Mates: Those We Are Searching For <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Don’t seek a spot in my mind, sometimes it wanders</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Don’t fight for a place in my heart, it’s been known to
break</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>Search for an entrance to my soul, and there you’ll truly
find me </i></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
What do you think of when you hear the term "soul mates"? It's such an abstract concept, and it has always been something I
thoroughly questioned, and not in a do I believe it or do I not kind of way,
but in an exactly how does this work and what does it mean kind of way. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are so many different views on the topic and it
completely fascinates me. I want to study it, examine it, and learn everything
there is to know. I want to hear what others have to say, what others think,
what they question, and what they believe. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My view on soul mates is very different from most of the
people I know, and over the years I have learned it is something that is hard
for many to understand. I could sit and talk to you about it for days and never
fully explain what I believe, but today I am going to give you a little glimpse
into my thoughts, my beliefs, and maybe even a peek into what’s really in my
soul. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I believe that when we are put on this earth there are
people we are meant to find. People our souls connect with. People who function
on the same wavelength we do. In these people we find answers, we find comfort,
and often we find home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t
believe we have just one soul mate though. I think there are multiple people
out there who connect with your soul in a way most never can. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Soul mates tend to be thought of as someone’s spouse or life long significant other, and although that’s a nice
thought, I don’t think that’s the only thing a soul mate is. I think soul
mates fill many different areas of our lives. It could be someone you are
destined to spend the rest of your life with, but then again it might not be.
Sometimes that’s the hardest challenge of it all. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I, myself, am a searcher. I know there are people out there
I am supposed to find and I am going to search and search until I find them. I
didn’t use to search, but then one day I felt it, and the feelings you have
when you find someone your soul connects with are unexplainable, nothing will
ever accurately describe it… no songs, no words, no pictures. It isn’t
something that can be defined, only felt. Feeling it is addictive though and
when I felt it I realized that if there were other people out there who I could
make feel that way, and vice versa I wanted to find every single one of them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiySGyzvCqgdmgHSVLlWqY3R41XxCpGB1vO4-e9fO_aLCaBbJmSJcu5igaab69rA-mRl8j4WA99xOuniakCbNo-3b7SEkQjq4fouJoxUNlkopXcfwoGjp-qpECUa_OP07qz_Cn759yQ5S-B/s1600/1399941_orig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiySGyzvCqgdmgHSVLlWqY3R41XxCpGB1vO4-e9fO_aLCaBbJmSJcu5igaab69rA-mRl8j4WA99xOuniakCbNo-3b7SEkQjq4fouJoxUNlkopXcfwoGjp-qpECUa_OP07qz_Cn759yQ5S-B/s1600/1399941_orig.jpg" height="320" width="293" /></a>When I was in college I met one of my soul mates and it
rocked me to my core. It made me question everything I believed in, everything
I thought I knew. It pushed me so far outside my comfort zone that I couldn’t
even find solid ground, and yet it was one of the most amazing things I have
ever experienced. It wasn’t someone I dated. It wasn’t someone I wanted to
spend the rest of my life with, but it was someone who’s soul found mine and in
each other we found peace. We could, and often would, stay up all night
talking. Discussing anything and everything. I would get phone calls when I was
upset just because he could feel something was wrong. He pushed me to be a
better person, and when I fell short of what he knew I was capable of he didn’t
let me slide by. In fact he got mad, real mad, because when I hurt he hurt and
when I was happy he was happy, and in all my actions I carried a little piece of
his heart with me, and wherever he went he took a piece of my heart with him. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had a bond that couldn’t be broken. When people met us
they knew instantly that we were a team and as a team we could take on the
world. It wasn’t something we ever questioned. Not a single time did we discuss
what was going on between us. We didn’t have to, we just knew. That wasn’t the
case for others though. Everyone wanted to know what was going on. People
didn’t understand the connection we had. People accused us of being in love
with each, sneaking around, doing things we weren’t. The thing is none of these
questions took place where we knew about them. We were completely oblivious.
Until one day someone asked him. I don’t know what exactly went through his
head when he was asked, but I know it shocked him enough that then he started
searching for answers. He started asking people… “Could she really be in love
with me?” “Am I the one she really wants?” “But if that’s true then what
about…..” “That can’t really be true can it?” This was happening for weeks
without me even knowing. I found out when a mutual friend told me I needed to
stop talking about it. Then another friend brought it up with me. They asked me
all sorts of questions. They told me the conversations they had had with him,
and the questions he was asking. The confusion he was feeling. It wasn’t until
years later that I discovered so much went on behind the scenes. I didn’t know
he was told not to talk to me and I was told not to talk to him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know why I didn’t know. I
should have known that. I could feel him hurting but I guess I thought he was
hurting for the wrong reasons. I thought he was hurting because he believed
what people were saying, and that he made the choice himself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It hurts me now knowing he thought I
wanted him to go away. I never wanted him to go away. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Months later some of us were camping and he showed up to
pick us up. We had seen each other a few times since the incident, but this
time it was different. We didn’t speak, but when I looked at him I knew. As we
continued packing up camp I went to put something in the car and as I walked
around the back of the car there he was. He looked at me the way he always had
and in the moment I knew that he wasn’t just looking at me, he was searching my
soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then he looked down, raised
his hand and held out a blue Gatorade (which was my favorite drink) and in a
quiet little voice simply said “We’re okay right?” I couldn’t say anything;
there was nothing to say. I just took the drink and smiled. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone split up into different vehicles and he told me to
come with him. I climbed in his truck and it was like we’d gone back in time,
the conversations started again and the connection was there like it’d never
been broken, and yet somehow we knew as soon as I got out of that truck it
would never be the same. It couldn’t be, because what made it so perfect was we
never had to question it. And then we did, and it changed everything. We never
defined it, we couldn’t if we tried, but others tried for us and it broke it
apart. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s been over 10 years now, and as I predicted that day, it
was never again the same. We stayed in close contact for a couple years, and
then not so close. It’s been a couple years since we really talked, but I can
tell you without a doubt that the connection is still there, because on days
where everything is falling apart I get messages that say “I know you’re having
a rough time, just know someone cares.” And there are days he gets the same
from me, because although we were pushed, and we were tested, and everything
changed the connection never broke. Our souls are still connected, he can feel
me and I can feel him, and together we can find peace. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Many refer to him as my “one who got away,” but not me. It’s
never what I thought we were, but I do know our souls speak to each other. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My connection with him was always unique, and I knew it
couldn’t be replicated. However, I also knew there were others out there that
my soul was searching for and I needed to find them. I needed to search, and
search I did. On occasion I would feel something that gave me hope again. There
were people I thought I could get to that point with, but it was never right.
No one could ever find my soul and feel me the way he had. So after lots and
lots of searching and disappointment, last summer I decided to stop searching.
I gave up. I couldn’t do it anymore; it was going to destroy me. But as so
often is the case, once I had completely given up I felt it again, and once
again it rocked me to my core. I walked into a room and it slammed into me. As
our eyes met I instantly knew. There was a familiarity as if my soul was
screaming, “I’ve been looking for you. What took you so long?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It happened on a night in September, and my head’s been
spinning ever since. I can’t tell you this story yet though, because unlike the
story above this is a story without an ending. It’s a connection that’s been
thoroughly questioned, and put through the wringer, and yet somehow it’s still
hanging on, likely by a thread. It’s there though and in that my soul can find
peace. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirVBkkpcQLBivaswYbdlxgG1Nl1pEL310lrtFm6_Xvxb5X_HAVLtgAqZy7Hl7EXSeqzQ3McOwHfBn_nv-KXcKZECxbSoYo4ULCBY9usC0ld3ySRBeFHFEZPVy01fyrLu2MKMAF7maHncq-/s1600/1349802_orig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirVBkkpcQLBivaswYbdlxgG1Nl1pEL310lrtFm6_Xvxb5X_HAVLtgAqZy7Hl7EXSeqzQ3McOwHfBn_nv-KXcKZECxbSoYo4ULCBY9usC0ld3ySRBeFHFEZPVy01fyrLu2MKMAF7maHncq-/s1600/1349802_orig.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-52680668008321303092014-12-17T13:56:00.002-06:002014-12-17T14:28:38.514-06:00Can You Feel It?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk71ZSS92o-1YKaRcwz1kEnJJP2mvWv4jVYDHxri4DEWUuH51P3wUVdlCHXLwDOllhXuKm4cWAw3RNjFB3_FnqS8eznaCdWNqlxz_nNgsIWiSIbBpjDH2HTyCjYc4-jo31gpTGPYzhxLs4/s1600/760px-Lonely_bench.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk71ZSS92o-1YKaRcwz1kEnJJP2mvWv4jVYDHxri4DEWUuH51P3wUVdlCHXLwDOllhXuKm4cWAw3RNjFB3_FnqS8eznaCdWNqlxz_nNgsIWiSIbBpjDH2HTyCjYc4-jo31gpTGPYzhxLs4/s1600/760px-Lonely_bench.jpg" height="252" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">In June of 2012, I was
having a conversation and seemingly out of nowhere I was asked
when I stopped believing in the <i>Fairytale</i> version of love. I can remember the
exact moment like it was yesterday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can remember who asked me, where we were, and what we were doing… and
I can remember the shocked look on his face when I answered. “I didn’t stop
believing. I never started.” In that moment I realized maybe I’m not normal. I’ve
never had a fairytale version of love. I’ve never thought love was a perfect
thing between people. I don’t think it’s all rainbows and butterflies. I think
love is about being there for the ups and the downs. Love is about knowing all
the horrible things about a person and loving them anyway. As the saying goes… “We
like someone because, we love someone although.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It took years and years
before I realized this isn’t how most people view love. In fact in my
entire life I can probably count on one hand the number of people I know who
legitimately view love like this (aside from the love between parents and
children). Some say they do, but very few actually do. If people loved like
this there wouldn’t be so many heartbreaks, so many divorces, so many breakups.
Love wouldn’t be a word just tossed around lightly. It would be a word filled
with tremendous thought, feeling, and emotion. It would be something that
really meant something, and honestly it would be terrifying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It really doesn’t sound like
a big deal. People love differently, so what? Right? The problem is, loving
like this leads to confusion and heartbreak. It leads to lots of questions and
people who really just don’t get it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When this is all you know it is hard to understand that other people don’t.
I say exactly what I mean, and for some reason I still think other people do
the same. I am honest and I trust other people to be as well, and when I love
someone I really truly love them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">When you love
unconditionally it is a constant battle. People don’t get it. Everyone thinks
your crazy. Friends and family try to convince you, and you truly want to
listen to them. You hear what everyone is saying. You know you don’t deserve to
be hurt. You know that sometimes people aren’t worthy of the type of love you
give them, but you can’t stop. You can’t choose to just stop loving someone. You might chose what role they play in your life, you might chose how you act on it, but you can't chose to stop loving them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">On one of the final episodes
of <u><i>How I Met Your Mother</i></u>, Ted says “<span style="color: #1a1a1a;">"Actually,
there is a word for that. It's love. I'm in love with her, okay? If you're
looking for the word that means caring for someone beyond all rationality and
wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you,
its love! And when you love someone y-you </span>just
don't <span style="color: #1a1a1a;">stop. Ever". Even when people
roll their eyes or call you crazy. Even then. Especially then. You just- you
don't give up because if I could give up... If I could just, you know, take the
whole world's advice and- and move on and find someone else, that wouldn't be
love. That would be... That would be some other disposable thing that is not
worth fighting for. But that is not what this is." and in that moment I
felt like someone else in this world finally got it. Okay so he is just a TV
character, but someone had to write that, which means someone else out there knows what that’s like. Someone else has felt it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">I have always
loved like Ted loves. It has broken my heart numerous times, and if I could
stop I would, but I can’t. It’s part of who I am. It’s the only kind of love I
know. I want to think there are other people in the world like this, others out
there who just get it. Others out there you don’t have to explain it to. Others
you can just look at and now they felt it the same way I did. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial;">Sometimes I
start to lose hope. I start believing there’s no one else like that. I start
thinking maybe I am crazy. No one understands it the way I do. No one feels it
like I feel it, but then someone will come along and I will see things in them
that make me think that maybe, just maybe, they get it. Maybe they understand.
Maybe they feel it the way I do, and in that moment even if for
just a moment I feel less alone. I feel a slight glimmer of hope, and my heart
whispers “don’t give up.” So I pull myself together. I try to keep believing,
and hoping. I find myself wishing for there to be others out there, many others, but the truth is there really only has to be one. </span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-14763984858360451942014-11-23T23:41:00.001-06:002014-11-23T23:42:46.913-06:00All Too Real <div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT2pzFpf_bHa5gB5yo2OCTm1qJXGmXvZ9vrSm3Bny79LSpFkAKv3BD-Je01sktOz_QcxmK0M6qd_U9ElBXNAAH9-182xL-KChXzCh2ZMnTAaQIkyCpMwrk5yI18bfdJysNjAbVjK0lPL0f/s1600/crying-writer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjT2pzFpf_bHa5gB5yo2OCTm1qJXGmXvZ9vrSm3Bny79LSpFkAKv3BD-Je01sktOz_QcxmK0M6qd_U9ElBXNAAH9-182xL-KChXzCh2ZMnTAaQIkyCpMwrk5yI18bfdJysNjAbVjK0lPL0f/s1600/crying-writer.jpg" height="267" width="400" /></a> Over the last couple months I have come to the blog countless times. Every time I think I am ready to stop and write. To share everything on my mind, and talk about what's been happening in my life. And yet every time I come to write I get completely overwhelmed as all the memories flood my thoughts. So time and time again I walk away. Saying nothing. Unable to write. Unready to share what's going on in my head. Not willing to share how I am feeling. </div>
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<div>
There have been many changes in my life over the last couple months. Some things I have struggled with and worked through, and some I am continuing to work through every day. There have been losses that are completely unbearable, and will never be gotten over. It helps to talk about it and normally it helps to write about it, and yet somehow writing about it makes it all too real, and right now I don't want it to be real. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEshmzY05_xZbKNIqP8m0NzEQI4yAyuJnjgH7vgNfOaXfwkjUYiNbUNJgHACUHi9869_F2Iv5wW1GT7uq00iibSEb64cqgzOsSFePi8mOxKgKSY6EFZBdccBwogF9eNgcsQsuNaP_EFOCr/s1600/change2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEshmzY05_xZbKNIqP8m0NzEQI4yAyuJnjgH7vgNfOaXfwkjUYiNbUNJgHACUHi9869_F2Iv5wW1GT7uq00iibSEb64cqgzOsSFePi8mOxKgKSY6EFZBdccBwogF9eNgcsQsuNaP_EFOCr/s1600/change2.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a> It definitely isn't all bad though, there have been good changes too. People coming into my life, opportunities coming my way, and things working themselves out. Positive changes that are working to make everything better. Changes that give me hope. </div>
<div>
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<div>
Good or bad all change requires an adjustment period. As I stop and put the pieces back together it is important for me to remember how important it is to have an outlet. I need to keep writing, even when it's hard. Even when it brings tears. In the end it's what helps. It's what keeps me grounded. So here I am writing once again. I can't talk about it all yet, that will come later, but for now I can write, and write is what I will do. </div>
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-970855613091651022014-07-27T15:08:00.002-05:002014-07-27T15:08:47.992-05:00New Endeavors Several months ago I wrote the "John Wayne" blog. To date, it is still one of my favorites. If you haven't read it I encourage you to do so, it will help this blog make way more sense ;-) <a href="http://ashleysmom-katie.blogspot.com/2013/09/john-wayne.html">Find it here</a><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikZhfreWbPWTKbfiD1C1xeAaecksXhViD51Z8Umol39mlNNzM13SSLXSR0eqVZsZwP0NVMiWWOyy2NRCJsOCKCA4pZoArGiPej27U8IfkS4wdGpnADySlk6ckACdpYHlMsyNPuTXXNaDf7/s1600/clipart-yellow-thinking-smiley-emoticon-256x256-60c5.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikZhfreWbPWTKbfiD1C1xeAaecksXhViD51Z8Umol39mlNNzM13SSLXSR0eqVZsZwP0NVMiWWOyy2NRCJsOCKCA4pZoArGiPej27U8IfkS4wdGpnADySlk6ckACdpYHlMsyNPuTXXNaDf7/s1600/clipart-yellow-thinking-smiley-emoticon-256x256-60c5.png" height="320" width="230" /></a></div>
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Throughout the last couple years I have taken on many new endeavors; including hosting a podcast and writing for a variety of blogs and online magazines. Not only is this something I have enjoyed, but it's also provided me with some amazing experiences. I have met fantastic people, and been involved with wonderful organizations and charities.<br />
<br />
A few months into my show I started tossing around the idea of starting a second show. I was in the middle of doing my series with reality television stars, and I was thoroughly enjoying it. The problem was that although I was enjoying it, and receiving phenomenal feedback, they didn't exactly fit the theme of my show. I was torn. I didn't want to stop doing these interviews, so instead I was doing my best to fit them into a box they didn't really fit in.<br />
<br />
Although the idea continued to float around my mind it was quickly pushed to the back burner when I got in my car accident. At that time all of my energy became focused on my health, and trying to recover. With all of that going on I decided that the idea was something I needed to forget about, and although a good idea it would never come to light.<br />
<br />
But then about 3 months ago I really started thinking about it again. It was something I was really wanting to do, and I was starting to feel like maybe it was something I should try after all. At that time I began considering not only a new podcast, but also a new blog. I wanted to work with the guests I enjoyed so much, and give them a place they really fit.<br />
<br />
This week I decided that I owed it to myself to at least honestly consider the idea. I put out a few feelers and received wonderful feedback. After much deliberation, and prayer, I decided that it was sink or swim time. If I was going to do this, now was the time! <br />
<br />
Wednesday night I made the decision. I contacted a couple people and really set the ball in motion. I was excited about the opportunity, but also a bit anxious and scared. I felt like I was making the right choice, but I really couldn't be sure. I felt like I needed a sign to let me know I was on the right path.<br />
<br />
Later that night I was chatting with some friends I've been blessed to meet throughout these adventures the last couple years. I shot one of them a message asking for recommendations of people she thought would be great interviews to include in the websites launch. She wrote back instantly and suggested I talk to a former contestant from <b><i>Amazing Race</i></b>. She had been on the show a few times, had a large following, but most importantly was a great person.<br />
<br />
That night my fears were put to rest. At my friends recommendation, I shot off an email, and <i><b>Jen</b> </i>responded right away. She was exactly the guest I needed. She was the type of person I loved supporting and I was excited to have her on board. I was really starting to feel the fears fade, and the excitement take over. And as if all of that wasn't enough there was also that little text from Patrice, the one that told me everything I needed to know.... "Oh btw she's <b><i>John Wayne</i></b>'s granddaughter!"<br />
<br />
and here's your sign!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfqREROQF8Ttt0LpvTuqG07K7NfUV5FSko1-uRgNC24kdGnE0Dyy29UUl8jNZ0fwfeX_jjtrbXOjd9sa-JFohiFOZ6PQouVGYRfjwpTx6RpfDsGBSu3t1h4QY3uUuslvf_KTizoydMeORZ/s1600/heres-your-sign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfqREROQF8Ttt0LpvTuqG07K7NfUV5FSko1-uRgNC24kdGnE0Dyy29UUl8jNZ0fwfeX_jjtrbXOjd9sa-JFohiFOZ6PQouVGYRfjwpTx6RpfDsGBSu3t1h4QY3uUuslvf_KTizoydMeORZ/s1600/heres-your-sign.jpg" height="320" width="278" /></a></div>
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*** The new endeavor will be starting next month. Stay tuned for more info***Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-41254701099080046662014-07-06T17:41:00.002-05:002014-07-06T17:41:26.594-05:00Silent Sunday #1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6onlUzkQPJctyZK39EfxbtMlU15BORlTMeZKmY9pEA-LzSbp9nf81NKxfps0LIw7V9swI8xNxwdFMZKNVwDrV0tv-X06xgfucFopQ1uKcw28xFJ6DI92tPgu9TPi1MPDFUqSKCrdEoMAU/s1600/CAM01969.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6onlUzkQPJctyZK39EfxbtMlU15BORlTMeZKmY9pEA-LzSbp9nf81NKxfps0LIw7V9swI8xNxwdFMZKNVwDrV0tv-X06xgfucFopQ1uKcw28xFJ6DI92tPgu9TPi1MPDFUqSKCrdEoMAU/s1600/CAM01969.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.cosmicgirlie.com/silent-sunday/"><img alt="" src="http://www.cosmicgirlie.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Silent-Sunday.jpg" /></a></div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-37647844255962685452014-06-29T23:13:00.002-05:002014-06-29T23:13:24.506-05:00Old Friend <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I saw an old friend today, it had been way too long. Someone I thought about often and had missed so much. It brought back all the memories, and thoughts of the past. The memories brought smiles and reminded me of the good times and all the laughs we'd shared. It seems so long ago now.<br />
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Running into an old friend is always a bit odd. You were so close at one time, but times gone on and things have changed. Now you are stuck somewhere between friends and simply acquaintances. You strive to find that connection again. You want it to be like old times and yet it always starts out awkward. Never quite knowing what to say, or where to start. Trying to determine if this is the rekindling of a friendship or if we will once again go out own ways.<br />
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As the time passed the memories continued to flood my mind. The walls started coming down and the awkwardness began to fade. It was becoming more comfortable, and I was realizing this person truly had been missing from my life. There had been good times, and also bad times since they left, but the worst was the loneliness. The feeling of something or someone missing. The times I might have looked like I was fine, but I was really just going through the motions. The times I desperately wanted someone to notice that everything wasn't okay, but no one could see through the act.<br />
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This was my chance. I couldn't let them get away again. I needed to grab hold and reel them back in. I needed them back in my life. It hasn't been the same, and I desperately wanted it back. </div>
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Upon that realization, all my fears were gone. The awkwardness faded, and the comfortableness returned. And at that exact moment, I slowly looked up, and as a smile crossed my face I glanced in the mirror and welcomed myself back.<br />
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*Thanks for reading today. As always I invite you to follow the blog and leave a comment!*Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-89752835903643280092014-05-20T00:53:00.003-05:002014-05-20T00:53:56.431-05:00Turn It Up Tuesday: Headlines <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Time for something a bit more light-hearted. I always loved "Headlines" on Leno, so today I am going to share a few that make me laugh. </div>
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<a href="http://epicmommyadventures.com/" target="_blank" title="Epic Mommy Adventures"><img alt="Epic Mommy Adventures" src="http://epicmommyadventures.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/200pxturnitup1_zps05216d89.png" style="border: none;" /></a></div>
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<br />Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-13976276223669130512014-05-18T11:23:00.004-05:002014-05-18T20:04:47.102-05:00And Then It Was Sunday <!--StartFragment-->
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I knew it would hurt, I knew I’d feel broken</div>
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But I can stay strong, those words never spoken<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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I awoke in the morning and put a smile on my face </div>
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Don’t let it fade, just keep it in place </div>
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But then it was Sunday</div>
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I kept myself busy I ignored all the pain </div>
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Never stop and think, gotta keep myself sane</div>
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I made the choice, and thought it was best </div>
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I attempted each day with a new found zest</div>
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But then it was Sunday </div>
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My guard was up; my heart was locked </div>
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No one could get in; I’d keep them all blocked</div>
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I thought I could do it, I thought I’d succeed</div>
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And with my heart I started to plead</div>
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But then it was Sunday</div>
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And when it was Sunday</div>
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The thoughts consumed me I couldn’t push them away </div>
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My heart was breaking, my determination started to sway</div>
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I was surrounded with pain, my smile nowhere to be found </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-uG18S2NlVAlOw7yPqUF8cgiuhabLv11Ao1Szd2U9vHFmd50JFgqQ11KQqJgwoiiOSIRe9iillXlAkfV1Ohwk5VyNtpCGM6qwLitnmX3kIEI2CcD1a_MWRVeqMV_VViZX7aKz9t7T74h1/s1600/rain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-uG18S2NlVAlOw7yPqUF8cgiuhabLv11Ao1Szd2U9vHFmd50JFgqQ11KQqJgwoiiOSIRe9iillXlAkfV1Ohwk5VyNtpCGM6qwLitnmX3kIEI2CcD1a_MWRVeqMV_VViZX7aKz9t7T74h1/s1600/rain.jpg" /></a>The tears came quickly, and crashed to the ground </div>
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And when it was Sunday</div>
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I picked up the phone, but put it back down </div>
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I could just go see you; I could drive across town </div>
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No, I can’t, I shouldn’t, I refuse to give in </div>
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But what should I do? My heads starting to spin<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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And when it was Sunday</div>
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<br /></div>
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I wouldn’t call you, but I hoped you’d call me</div>
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How were you doing? I wanted to see</div>
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I hope you’re alright, I hope you’re okay</div>
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And at the end of the day, that’s all I needed to say <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-54234672541711355412014-05-12T15:00:00.000-05:002014-11-23T23:06:23.632-06:00I Know You're Not <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCLg42qXGSpAE_gUivs1tBWkmxPoyCtfh1kWrU_7ooWOqX3xSUyidgnBz4fe1aBWSV23Tr1SGJv6uCVEJwQ25gNIpYPaiP-Fgt64TZ3uohByfMxlRdL_sxVRNhQSg2NE9UEl2D8KE0OjWb/s1600/Rain-And-Red-Umbrella-Wallpaper-HD-1024x575.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCLg42qXGSpAE_gUivs1tBWkmxPoyCtfh1kWrU_7ooWOqX3xSUyidgnBz4fe1aBWSV23Tr1SGJv6uCVEJwQ25gNIpYPaiP-Fgt64TZ3uohByfMxlRdL_sxVRNhQSg2NE9UEl2D8KE0OjWb/s1600/Rain-And-Red-Umbrella-Wallpaper-HD-1024x575.jpg" height="353" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
It's been bugging me for weeks.<br />
It's running through my head, over and over and over again.<br />
It won't stop.<br />
It's making me crazy.<br />
Why can't I stop thinking about it?<br />
It was just a simple act of kindness.<br />
It shouldn't even matter.<br />
It's not a big deal; right?<br />
It didn't mean anything; did it?<br />
Is it because it highlighted a difference?<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5vENFP6Tam4PZnvHHnsgPHO8rousUxSzYyUIY7eFN-N0hZbVMK9ilSZ3LZYYdPn_Uod9INe75JnCS6hJlZc4a3r8WrJaa_hQPYISmphg1VYu5Z1DFW6LisztUPlviPZ7QQJ_EqYHLDIeH/s1600/rain26.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5vENFP6Tam4PZnvHHnsgPHO8rousUxSzYyUIY7eFN-N0hZbVMK9ilSZ3LZYYdPn_Uod9INe75JnCS6hJlZc4a3r8WrJaa_hQPYISmphg1VYu5Z1DFW6LisztUPlviPZ7QQJ_EqYHLDIeH/s1600/rain26.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a>Yes maybe that's it.<br />
Maybe I've figured it out.<br />
Now I can stop thinking about it.<br />
NO! That's not it.<br />
It did show that, but there's something else.<br />
I continue to think about it.<br />
It continues to plague my thoughts.<br />
I continue to exam it.<br />
I can't make it stop.<br />
STOP IT!<br />
It doesn't matter.<br />
Really, it's not a big deal.<br />
It's really not.<br />
I know that...<br />
Don't I?<br />
Yes! I know that, I really do.<br />
But then WHY can't I stop thinking about it?<br />
I don't want to think about it anymore.<br />
It doesn't matter.<br />
I really don't care.<br />
There is no significance.<br />
But here I am...<br />
Thinking about it again.<br />
Still trying to figure out why I care.<br />
Still trying to figure out what difference it makes?<br />
WAIT! I think I've got it.<br />
I've FINALLY figured it out!<br />
Maybe the act itself isn't significant at all...<br />
Yes, that's it.<br />
The act itself isn't significant<br />
What's significant is that when you asked, I answered "I'm fine" but without another word, you reacted as if to say "I know you're not."<br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8sTq-BiNUs4MEJm0cVFf9hyphenhyphenhrM7BayFGhRh6VgI_J11_Mm-wb35cWAgI3R70xcMryEcjCpl8LpWcVa-JrvLxCuI8ZbOoDgSY07AUK147UifvxVbhnxydnR-AEBHNL5TsNZQwndKwffc5t/s1600/umbrella2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8sTq-BiNUs4MEJm0cVFf9hyphenhyphenhrM7BayFGhRh6VgI_J11_Mm-wb35cWAgI3R70xcMryEcjCpl8LpWcVa-JrvLxCuI8ZbOoDgSY07AUK147UifvxVbhnxydnR-AEBHNL5TsNZQwndKwffc5t/s1600/umbrella2.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-64354401575100225482014-05-12T00:40:00.001-05:002014-05-12T00:40:25.536-05:00Can't Make It All Make Sense <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxw_dZtw2W4fu926zWQdc2OGCT2AfW3cdqOpUbjkG71pPXQWL16X_n9vakPVOOodsaN8Fk4plID-cvh2zNtpxB32oUkRqjsOqDCfqpT66ZeuxZZnW_ah2-R74A_iTnpwYRojQxwJ3r-xT5/s1600/luke+bryan+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxw_dZtw2W4fu926zWQdc2OGCT2AfW3cdqOpUbjkG71pPXQWL16X_n9vakPVOOodsaN8Fk4plID-cvh2zNtpxB32oUkRqjsOqDCfqpT66ZeuxZZnW_ah2-R74A_iTnpwYRojQxwJ3r-xT5/s1600/luke+bryan+1.jpg" height="212" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Tonight as I was listening to some music one of my favorite songs came on and I was instantly slammed with memories. This definitely isn't unusual as often when listening to a song I am transported back to another time and place, possibly the first time I heard the song, maybe seeing it performed live, or maybe some significant moment it was playing during. This wasn't like that though. They weren't memories that had any association with the song, or at least not directly. Instead they were memories of a friend. A friend I once considered one of my best friends, but a friend I haven't spoken to in over a year, and haven't seen in several.<br />
<br />
Although I think of this friend often tonight it felt like I was run over by a truck. It was such a stark difference from my normal reaction to the song. Although it is a sad song and provokes emotion from many people, for me it provides peace. I cried the first time I heard it (and many times sense) but I also felt an overwhelming sense of comfort. Finally someone was saying what I was feeling, "Sometimes the greater plan is kind of hard to understand. Right now it don't make sense, can't make it all make sense."<br />
<br />
That's not what I felt today though. When I heard it today I felt heartache. I could hear the words coming out of his mouth and I know he has felt these same things, and instead of peace I felt pain. I hate thinking about the pain he has gone through. I hate that he has suffered the losses he has, and I know he has felt the type of pain I wouldn't wish on anyone.<br />
<br />
Through the years and changes in our lives we are no longer a part of each other's lives. We will shoot the other an e-mail on occasion or hear about the other through mutual friends, but we definitely aren't close the way we once were. I miss him, and I wish we were still as close as we once were, but even more than that I wish I could take away every ounce of his pain.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqa9msBbSUEEVuLCnsch4lrhhWP31Pzb5rJgbiTHPW8XIvMHCGXJlXnJ8S_RXJJWUXYBGIB5CKauqMGlMu7riu5lRZhTrZEyZumKoKmScfuzAZmXhVcgANuPhhS81gA91snPwvj52AFwz2/s1600/luke+bryan+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqa9msBbSUEEVuLCnsch4lrhhWP31Pzb5rJgbiTHPW8XIvMHCGXJlXnJ8S_RXJJWUXYBGIB5CKauqMGlMu7riu5lRZhTrZEyZumKoKmScfuzAZmXhVcgANuPhhS81gA91snPwvj52AFwz2/s1600/luke+bryan+2.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></div>
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Go listen here! <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RM5aW83L_DE&list=UUteMJzhMoMh1-WN6d2u6NEg">Luke Bryan: Drink A Beer</a><br />
<br />Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-21463405114178795482014-04-26T12:11:00.000-05:002014-04-27T17:33:52.995-05:00It Mattered <!--StartFragment-->
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCQMeO0IeCXVaWlZ2Fq1ygja_Age7YKc0ksEUJNQsQDoeQYWlkd9a10kubMmpQ8P0dRcEj1I6iGaJcdCWR03jFYJZDvVFU-pwZzjXOFFFMPRpat1XNwEAUKuT6_AmAd9LnvaFezcXabGZh/s1600/Children-Quotes-14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCQMeO0IeCXVaWlZ2Fq1ygja_Age7YKc0ksEUJNQsQDoeQYWlkd9a10kubMmpQ8P0dRcEj1I6iGaJcdCWR03jFYJZDvVFU-pwZzjXOFFFMPRpat1XNwEAUKuT6_AmAd9LnvaFezcXabGZh/s1600/Children-Quotes-14.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCQMeO0IeCXVaWlZ2Fq1ygja_Age7YKc0ksEUJNQsQDoeQYWlkd9a10kubMmpQ8P0dRcEj1I6iGaJcdCWR03jFYJZDvVFU-pwZzjXOFFFMPRpat1XNwEAUKuT6_AmAd9LnvaFezcXabGZh/s1600/Children-Quotes-14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCQMeO0IeCXVaWlZ2Fq1ygja_Age7YKc0ksEUJNQsQDoeQYWlkd9a10kubMmpQ8P0dRcEj1I6iGaJcdCWR03jFYJZDvVFU-pwZzjXOFFFMPRpat1XNwEAUKuT6_AmAd9LnvaFezcXabGZh/s1600/Children-Quotes-14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCQMeO0IeCXVaWlZ2Fq1ygja_Age7YKc0ksEUJNQsQDoeQYWlkd9a10kubMmpQ8P0dRcEj1I6iGaJcdCWR03jFYJZDvVFU-pwZzjXOFFFMPRpat1XNwEAUKuT6_AmAd9LnvaFezcXabGZh/s1600/Children-Quotes-14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCQMeO0IeCXVaWlZ2Fq1ygja_Age7YKc0ksEUJNQsQDoeQYWlkd9a10kubMmpQ8P0dRcEj1I6iGaJcdCWR03jFYJZDvVFU-pwZzjXOFFFMPRpat1XNwEAUKuT6_AmAd9LnvaFezcXabGZh/s1600/Children-Quotes-14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCQMeO0IeCXVaWlZ2Fq1ygja_Age7YKc0ksEUJNQsQDoeQYWlkd9a10kubMmpQ8P0dRcEj1I6iGaJcdCWR03jFYJZDvVFU-pwZzjXOFFFMPRpat1XNwEAUKuT6_AmAd9LnvaFezcXabGZh/s1600/Children-Quotes-14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCQMeO0IeCXVaWlZ2Fq1ygja_Age7YKc0ksEUJNQsQDoeQYWlkd9a10kubMmpQ8P0dRcEj1I6iGaJcdCWR03jFYJZDvVFU-pwZzjXOFFFMPRpat1XNwEAUKuT6_AmAd9LnvaFezcXabGZh/s1600/Children-Quotes-14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCQMeO0IeCXVaWlZ2Fq1ygja_Age7YKc0ksEUJNQsQDoeQYWlkd9a10kubMmpQ8P0dRcEj1I6iGaJcdCWR03jFYJZDvVFU-pwZzjXOFFFMPRpat1XNwEAUKuT6_AmAd9LnvaFezcXabGZh/s1600/Children-Quotes-14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a>My entire life I have wanted to
teach. I honestly can’t remember a time when that wasn’t on my goals list. I
love children and always have, but even more important than my love for
children was my determination to make a difference. Just think about it. As a
parent you are the number 1 influence in your child’s life and you get to help
mold that child into a good person, a positive person for society. You get to
help establish a foundation in which they can grow, flourish, and live up to
their potential. As a teacher you may not be the number 1 impact, but you
definitely make a difference. You still help set the foundation. You still help
a child grow, and you push that child to flourish and be the best person they
can be. Except in this case you aren’t just doing it for a few children. You
are doing it for an entire classroom of children every year. It’s one of the
ultimate ways to make a difference. If you don’t like where the future of our
country or our world is headed…. Teach a child. Those children are our future.
Invest in them. Listen to them. Show them. Teach them. Watch them grow. </div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I was so devoted to this goal, and
these thoughts that I overlooked all the other ways there are to make a
difference. It isn’t only about children. You can live your life in a way that
you are an example to everyone. You can listen to those around you. You can
identify people’s needs, and you yourself can be the type of person that you
would like to see become the norm as opposed to the exception. People never
stop learning. In living a good and positive life you aren’t only being a good
example for a child, but are in fact an example for everyone you come in
contact with.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLR-zYLdIYoU5_SlTNk01du7rVuuhah_LEu_GkudAl5elu68XedEZxZ4Lj7zFtYAwZiP6Gw3X-Dcz7CVa56Jrm5yXSCwAlvXANj5DU51jsxtTHBZov7Ixy0US6LEjmXuR4M6qgNAU_ZfF5/s1600/jfk-make-a-difference.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLR-zYLdIYoU5_SlTNk01du7rVuuhah_LEu_GkudAl5elu68XedEZxZ4Lj7zFtYAwZiP6Gw3X-Dcz7CVa56Jrm5yXSCwAlvXANj5DU51jsxtTHBZov7Ixy0US6LEjmXuR4M6qgNAU_ZfF5/s1600/jfk-make-a-difference.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a>About a year and a half ago I left
my teaching position at the elementary school. At the time I was completely
heartbroken. It was something I had worked so hard for. I honestly felt I was
making a difference in those children’s lives and they were making a difference
in mine. I am not looking back on it with rose-colored glasses, as there were
clearly things in the situation that I didn’t agree with, wasn’t comfortable
with, but tried to overlook. It wasn’t the perfect situation or environment
that I had always envisioned it would be. There was judgment. There was
negativity, and in all honesty there were many people who were setting an
example, but I can’t say that they were all good ones. In situations like that
you start to take the weight of the world on your shoulders. You want to
counteract the negativity. You want to make sure that there is at least some good
even if it is surrounded by bad. That’s why I was so hurt by what happened. I
believed I was doing the best thing. I had parents and children letting me know
how big of a difference I was making in their lives. Some of these people still
contact me today. Constantly reminding me that who I was in his or her lives
was someone who mattered, someone who made a difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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That’s why when everything happened
I was crushed. I will not go into the entire situation, as it honestly doesn’t
matter. What it boils down to is some people didn’t agree with some things in
my life. Without knowing the situation, without ever really looking into it
they judged me, and through this judgment it was determined that if I wasn’t
the same as them I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t a good role model. I wasn’t a
good representation of the faith. As someone who strives to always be a role
model, and to do the right thing even is no one is watching, hearing something
like this shook me to my core. I questioned myself. I looked at my life and
wondered if I in fact was doing something wrong. If I wasn’t living my life in
a way I should be proud of. I can honestly say in the months of reflection and
the months of beating myself up trying to figure it out I finally came to the
conclusion that I wouldn’t have done it any other way. I wasn’t doing something
wrong I was doing something different, and if that is something you can’t
accept then that’s a reflection on you, not a reflection on me. Although I was
finally comfortable with this I will still saddened. I still felt I was losing
my dream of making a difference. It was a rough time. It was something that was
difficult for me to come to terms with, and something I couldn’t completely
comprehend. </div>
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Looking back now I can honestly
stay I made a difference then, and I am still making a difference in ways I
couldn’t have ever imagined. I am still working with children, and although it
is in a different setting these children still have the same needs and still
need someone that lives the type of life they can hope to have. Setting that
aside though there are so many other parts of my life now, and so many things I
have done that have renewed my faith that I can make a difference in this
world. I still have my podcast (although it’s taken a short break while I dealt
with some of life’s more pressing issues.) Through the show I have made amazing
contacts. I have been involved with organizations that I am so proud to be
associated with. I have done shows bringing to light some health issues that
are often left in the shadows. I have done shows in support of Bands 4 Arms,
The Boot Campaign, and Wounded Warriors. We have done shows on Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder and Traumatic Brain Injuries. On a lighter note there have been
shows to draw attention to up and coming artists. We have gotten the word out
about new CDs, new sitcoms, new blogs, and many other adventures people have
embarked on. I have been involved in a couple different new podcasts starting
up. I have given a voice to people that previously didn’t have one, and in each
and every one of those things we’ve made a difference. I have received e-mails
from listeners, who I now consider dear friends, telling me that they got
through their treatment that day because they were listening to the show. I
have spoken with people who have lived a life scarred by abuse, and they have
thanked me for getting the word out. I have received messages simply saying,
“What you do is important!” and each and every time I realize that “it makes a
difference.” It might be in an entirely different way than I imagined
throughout my life, but it is still fulfilling the goals I set for myself. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEhvVcePBwyvvXRGiFKvqNE6P7TslFkyH3HIqq1Y8m2imXCekGMQO5-UQua5Iw2HB8HVdxDrrD0h6RI44dSfmEBXVNfKTntWaveaFttHY0jZ-qhqKOhfvamufyulhivBDQz1mAPesviDgV/s1600/Motivational-quotes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEhvVcePBwyvvXRGiFKvqNE6P7TslFkyH3HIqq1Y8m2imXCekGMQO5-UQua5Iw2HB8HVdxDrrD0h6RI44dSfmEBXVNfKTntWaveaFttHY0jZ-qhqKOhfvamufyulhivBDQz1mAPesviDgV/s1600/Motivational-quotes.jpg" height="138" width="200" /></a>Through those situations and
experiences I have opened the door for many other opportunities. I have started
writing articles about things I enjoy and things and people I believe in. I
have gotten to interview people who I look up to, and I have had the
opportunity to meet people that I admire, as well as artists I am a huge fan
of. Without going through everything I went through as I left the classroom
none of this would have been possible. I wouldn’t have found myself in the
situation I am in. I wouldn’t be writing for multiple online magazines. I
wouldn’t be hosting my show. I wouldn’t be helping do PR and social media
communications for companies and organizations I truly believe in. I wouldn’t
be able to have a phone interview with BJ Thomas and share with him that his
concert was the first one I ever went to, and years later it was the first one
I took my daughter to. I wouldn’t get emails from musicians on reality shows
sharing with me that previous contestants have shared so many positive things
about working with me that they now want to know if they can have hat same
opportunity. I have received e-mails from PR Reps letting me know that their
clients shared that I was a breath of fresh air in the industry. I was a good
person and was doing things for the right reasons, and because of that they
want to work with me again in the future. All of those things mean so much to
me, and I don’t take a single one for granted. They help me know I am doing the
right thing, and at the end of the day I can look back and honestly say… “Yes I
did the right thing. Yes I have and can continue to make a difference, and
possibly most importantly of all I can now say with full confidence “Yes it
mattered!” </div>
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Thank you for stopping by my blog. I enjoy hearing from all the readers so please leave me a comment, and subscribe so you don't miss any future posts. </div>
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-52472453529962387362014-04-07T16:30:00.001-05:002014-04-07T16:30:06.253-05:00Is That What A Christian Is?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKsKDw-X31UDILlFKeUJK-x4cLI7Z-HBi8HwjXAvUgmSwkP3BUGURZvRkHZEWVpf3oL65ngGywKWkUCiwd-sYxonfW_1ZsEGAirj7fGZzpijxprB6uVPNXZ4Usuqg06Fp03GKfHKwFM5uY/s1600/tumblr_m1d30nhEec1qdp53oo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKsKDw-X31UDILlFKeUJK-x4cLI7Z-HBi8HwjXAvUgmSwkP3BUGURZvRkHZEWVpf3oL65ngGywKWkUCiwd-sYxonfW_1ZsEGAirj7fGZzpijxprB6uVPNXZ4Usuqg06Fp03GKfHKwFM5uY/s1600/tumblr_m1d30nhEec1qdp53oo1_500.jpg" height="262" width="320" /></a></div>
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Many of you know that I have struggled with my beliefs lately. Except it isn't so much my beliefs, but more where my beliefs fit in within the framework of organized religion. I struggle with the judgment from so many religious people. I struggle with people's perception of what it means to be a good Christian; what it means to be a good example of a faith filled person. </div>
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I know exactly what I believe, nothing has made me waiver with that. I know the type or person I am, and the type of Christian I strive to be. I know which people I consider good examples of faith filled people. I know who I can turn to when I want to see a good example of being a strong role model. </div>
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Did you walk by the homeless person on the street today?</div>
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Is that what a Christian is?</div>
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Did you stop and talk to the child begging for your attention?</div>
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Is that what a Christian is?</div>
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Did you make fun of someone for what they were wearing?</div>
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Is that what a Christian is?</div>
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Did you hold open the door for the persn behind you?</div>
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Is that what a Christian is?</div>
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Did you turn your nose up at someone because they were having a drink?</div>
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Is that what a Christian is?</div>
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Did you stop the bully from teasing a classmate?</div>
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Is that what a Christian is?</div>
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Did you judge someone because of their sexual orientation?</div>
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Is that what a Christian is?</div>
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Did you turn your back on a friend who needed your help?</div>
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Is that what a Christian is?</div>
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Did you help the elderly lady cross the street?</div>
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Is that what a Christian is?</div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
Is that what a Christian is?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Do we even know anymore?</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgZmeUJ0ts2jOuIy975P7sKpgVzqRfZeeHlh9VbH03ctpfF87OmRPJ6SZtdhj89iaiivMG_Y3XeJ_BO30Ngoqz7lL-7ckKlApJLd64GjWM4hpPkgkAfanaVwUoKmC6E8hCdrjOjs1AmUUf/s1600/tumblr_m83wn9tah11qdhj3yo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgZmeUJ0ts2jOuIy975P7sKpgVzqRfZeeHlh9VbH03ctpfF87OmRPJ6SZtdhj89iaiivMG_Y3XeJ_BO30Ngoqz7lL-7ckKlApJLd64GjWM4hpPkgkAfanaVwUoKmC6E8hCdrjOjs1AmUUf/s1600/tumblr_m83wn9tah11qdhj3yo1_500.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 23px; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></span></div>
<br />
Being a Christian is so much more than filling a pew on Sunday or flipping through a Bible daily. Being a Christian comes from the heart. It isn't filled with judgment. It doesn't involve turning others away. You can' judge others just because they sin differently from you. Afterall that person you're judging might be the most Christian of us all.<br />
<br />
One of my all time favorite songs, performed by one of my all time favorite singers, BJ Thomas explains my thoughts so clearly. So much truth in it, and definitely something to think about. I hope you will all take a minute to listen to the song below and think about it.... "Would You?"<br />
<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 23px; white-space: pre;"><a href="http://youtu.be/-J9EPnxtA_k">Would They Love Him Down In Shreveport </a></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></span>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-34532088709313174772013-12-02T17:00:00.000-06:002013-12-02T17:00:07.220-06:00A Peek Inside My Head <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJvH5R_iDykVGPfkDvpqZPBPYs6RgwDjiofFWQMLhtPQBV7WbPr4YYI0Uox2gfnyGylVSqfJNtT9_RphZ7N8EMwNfTAg2R1l50nt_oW3srJAmm2dYIfPcma5ytm9BJusrgV7UdUrCOUSsF/s1600/pizap.com13859642009781.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJvH5R_iDykVGPfkDvpqZPBPYs6RgwDjiofFWQMLhtPQBV7WbPr4YYI0Uox2gfnyGylVSqfJNtT9_RphZ7N8EMwNfTAg2R1l50nt_oW3srJAmm2dYIfPcma5ytm9BJusrgV7UdUrCOUSsF/s1600/pizap.com13859642009781.jpg" height="320" width="254" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I have been sitting here for two hours trying to write up a
couple short articles. It is something that normally wouldn’t take me any time
at all, but this time is becoming impossible. Since my accident and head injury
I have lost the ability to filter things out. I can’t make my brain stop. I can’t
focus on what I want or need to focus on because my brain is responding to
every stimulus around me. It’s like having ADD, but to the extreme, and then
when you mix that with the poor memory skills or the mixing up of words it’s
even worse. Try to imagine a drunken elderly person with the beginnings of Alzheimer,
and severe ADD. That’s kind of what it is like inside my head. So as I was
sitting here trying to get it to stop, so I can write, I shot a message to a
friend. I expressed my frustration with the inability to write because of all
that’s going on inside my head. I sent them a message saying “<span class="null">Here
is my brain right now "respond to artist on twitter, pick up crafts, shut
up fish tank, wait what's that noise, I should be writing, wait what's that
noise, what are we doing at scouts tomorrow, I want coffee, shut up stupid fish
tank, respond to twitter, damn that light is bright, wait what's that
noise...." repeat</span>.” Then it occurred to me. Maybe I shouldn’t fight
it. Maybe this is the perfect opportunity to explain exactly what life inside
my head is like since my accident. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although it is something that is challenging
for me to discuss, and it’s hard for others to understand I want to take this
opportunity to attempt to give you a look inside my head. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZEnIMQDk0s2KAAkzYUzVy-KMeN2Z0bRxlQ9Yg8UFmksSK3k9GxTlraXVy9dotO3F_vI3ushh1dwW-F6JDGpf-ZvZ-TbK4qtFkwtGMjKco3-Vi4t_dVbZZy73FxW4pe8pThKMeEeAosGkM/s1600/941768_10201146153006271_1435690870_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZEnIMQDk0s2KAAkzYUzVy-KMeN2Z0bRxlQ9Yg8UFmksSK3k9GxTlraXVy9dotO3F_vI3ushh1dwW-F6JDGpf-ZvZ-TbK4qtFkwtGMjKco3-Vi4t_dVbZZy73FxW4pe8pThKMeEeAosGkM/s1600/941768_10201146153006271_1435690870_n.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span class="null"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Since my car accident my life has
been flipped upside down. (Now the Fresh Prince song is rolling through my head
“</span></span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Now, this is a
story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down…”) You absolutely
wouldn’t know anything is different from looking at me, and although that is a
blessing, sometimes it is also an obstacle. It is hard for people to remember
or understand that things are different, even if I look the same. You might
notice that I always have sunglasses on outside, and sometimes inside. You
might notice that I rarely have the lights on in my house and if I do they are
on low. You might notice that I do everything possible to not bend over or
drive after dark, but in all likelihood you probably won’t notice much of
anything. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeXVQw6-Hie_krHiXqCrDu6RCYAKJ2jVoQKQrOSVALuKGhDkxXC8k9SGrdBhE6kkZCSkN5YefjGSNP9_SWYUQ9pAsC505jEeQbOJZi-iS640DVALF-8fsizyK-8xZVDiOQ27UYOk3Y6pb-/s1600/im-confused.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeXVQw6-Hie_krHiXqCrDu6RCYAKJ2jVoQKQrOSVALuKGhDkxXC8k9SGrdBhE6kkZCSkN5YefjGSNP9_SWYUQ9pAsC505jEeQbOJZi-iS640DVALF-8fsizyK-8xZVDiOQ27UYOk3Y6pb-/s1600/im-confused.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Once you start talking with me things will become more
apparent, but even then it’s hard to understand. You will notice on occasion I
mix up words. You will notice that I repeat myself multiple times, or that I
have absolutely no idea what you told me the day before. It is entirely likely
that although I may remember doing something with you I won’t know when it was.
It’s possible that you will notice I write notes to myself and leave them all
over. From where I am sitting right now I can see one note in my knitting (so I
know what row to do next), two on the door, and several on the fridge. That’s
not including the reminders set in my phone, or the fact that absolutely
everything I need to take to work tomorrow is sitting underneath my keys so I don’t
forget. Even then you can likely just brush it off, after all everyone forgets
things right? We all walk into rooms and have absolutely no idea why we are
there. It isn’t until you spend a significant amount of time with me that you
notice the issues. Once you hear me tell the same story repeatedly over a
couple days, when you see me sitting and crying because although I have knit
100 rows of stitches in the last few days I now can no longer remember how to
do a purl stitch. You will notice when you see me get lost going somewhere I
have gone hundreds of times. It’s when you are out with me after dark and you
find out just how much the light bothers me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s when you see the pain across my face
because of a loud noise in the room, or when you see me grab hold of something
because I have completely lost my balance from bending over. Maybe it’s when
you are sitting in a room with me and watching my eyes dart around because of
all the activity, or when I respond to something someone else said instead of
what you said because I have no way of filtering out all the other
conversations in the room. Or it might be when you notice the bruises on me
from times I have lost my balance and fallen, or ran into something because I
was dizzy and my depth perception was off. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those are the times you will see what it’s
like, but even in those moments it’s hard to understand. Hell I am going
through it and I don’t understand it, so it is completely impossible for someone
not going through it to grasp what’s happening. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWijHOgu6-oU8G57v4oMrevgr5TlUbf4J0PuE44zWeIcB-ps2MuCrPdrDm-f5a9OkHEvoPPXVgsLMqEMcQ-5uc7rZDBrgTdOIkn1N6GLqy-wiB1BrussjnDmwMVRcUPjdF03h09Rril8jG/s1600/Charlie-Brown.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWijHOgu6-oU8G57v4oMrevgr5TlUbf4J0PuE44zWeIcB-ps2MuCrPdrDm-f5a9OkHEvoPPXVgsLMqEMcQ-5uc7rZDBrgTdOIkn1N6GLqy-wiB1BrussjnDmwMVRcUPjdF03h09Rril8jG/s1600/Charlie-Brown.jpg" height="200" width="187" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s hard when I am invited to do something and although I
want to so bad I know it’s something I can’t handle. It’s hard when I am disappointing
people by not going. It’s hard knowing they don’t understand when they say if
you change your mind please let me know. It’s hard when I have to wear
sunglasses and earplugs to watch fireworks, or when I am told I will probably
never again enjoy carnival rides. It’s hard, but I make accommodations and I
move forward with my life. I do other things that bring me joy. I find other
things to help me relax, but most of all, like the song says, “I breathe in, and breathe out, put one foot in front of the other, take a day at a time….”(Chris
Cagle I Breathe In, I Breathe Out) and I don’t give up hope. I can’t. I have to
have hope that it will get better. There will be times when I can sit and write
without being completely aware of every sound and every light around me. I have
to believe that I will be able to go on my favorite rides, and enjoy my
favorite holidays. I have to have hope… and I do. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">*** </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For those of you who wonder about how
these blogs come out with minimal mistakes, while all this is happening. I
write them and then read them multiple times to try and catch errors or mixed
up words. Then I read them out loud. Then I let someone else look at them, and
even still sometimes it makes it through with errors, but we try.***</span></i><br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> </span></i>
</div>
Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-326435215615343702013-12-01T21:56:00.003-06:002014-05-12T02:08:05.704-05:00It's Monday Once Again Although I keep promising myself that I will be blogging regularly again I just haven't had the time lately. Things have been a bit hectic, and yet still wonderful. I usually do Five on Friday, and although it isn't Friday today's blog will be done much the same way so I can cover all the random things happening in my life.<br />
<br />
<center>
<a href="http://www.thenaptimereview.com/"><br /><br /><img border="0" src="http://i1075.photobucket.com/albums/w433/athometake2/Blog%20Design/Link-Up_zps1ce5f4f7.png" /></a></center>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
{one}</h3>
<b>Family </b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfnw4i-upJm1lxmLCiZx_0vHL-MOF-g4GrwHei0JuQ7sw_ZQHDExPN6UU3oCFi27QUBTAawNdqGbr7RY8Ygu4Slwkf90kmPybP3bYQcZvDB_6DjNiPBHmcDm3mmEgnLM5xdYDhXPzG5OIl/s1600/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSFp3K89ybxcUrZTvMNMt01Fdmb78YKscySMN5ZjrvL0was-dMcIEKcvYu1yScKe_iW9V10Cr8P0wTy4HiH7lMn_CQlzn4reUuTRr0abMhc9nMLdPa5HRdU4_sAGG2OLR9MBNwtdebJnNO/s1600/IMG_0333.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj94D0QguoUTD3OQSK3dvMmApllqNRNTZezzhB40YeHrhy5wcO5Wn1oKXfHBQTTcABPmmzEXhZGVGVJrH2ADWY7Rn0F2FzS6tZvOkjvl1BOSwE_0Ds3OjUTWBKDciJbPBzAhSJyeRdvKHJZ/s1600/Rolla+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj94D0QguoUTD3OQSK3dvMmApllqNRNTZezzhB40YeHrhy5wcO5Wn1oKXfHBQTTcABPmmzEXhZGVGVJrH2ADWY7Rn0F2FzS6tZvOkjvl1BOSwE_0Ds3OjUTWBKDciJbPBzAhSJyeRdvKHJZ/s1600/Rolla+1.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
It has been wonderful to spend some time with my family lately. In addition to spending Thanksgiving with my immediate family, we went out of town this weekend to see my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. It was great catching up with everyone. I was blessed to have family around while I was growing up, and am so glad Ashley gets this same opportunity.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilOwj5B-yptFB9-p-kp1zX5Xx3bk3NikptxKS9Gt77_d1vs4riZQic2MImlB7V6p5YOXmryNIR2ZkerQpt459tU7LXN_0dk_TCUop_-FynOSvJ0LcKIGzTUBg8EfBbxa0Fec0p8IPWtduw/s1600/Rolla+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilOwj5B-yptFB9-p-kp1zX5Xx3bk3NikptxKS9Gt77_d1vs4riZQic2MImlB7V6p5YOXmryNIR2ZkerQpt459tU7LXN_0dk_TCUop_-FynOSvJ0LcKIGzTUBg8EfBbxa0Fec0p8IPWtduw/s1600/Rolla+2.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
{two} </h3>
<b>Thanksgiving </b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdKh-oVjBzlANfWrGsH_2zUywXmYsN5cIYqEV4EnT_fSvH6fr1ys7NTmKidQoyEmyBp2HdlZvp7Ta6dK4x-NNwAlLSzuRNu0ih5OtN4O408S-q36IYIxUmNMe7c8C85Dke7NI7MMUJaxiB/s1600/cooking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdKh-oVjBzlANfWrGsH_2zUywXmYsN5cIYqEV4EnT_fSvH6fr1ys7NTmKidQoyEmyBp2HdlZvp7Ta6dK4x-NNwAlLSzuRNu0ih5OtN4O408S-q36IYIxUmNMe7c8C85Dke7NI7MMUJaxiB/s1600/cooking.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Ashley cooking with Grandma and Uncle Nick. </div>
<br />
One of my favorite holiday traditions is going to Christmas in the Sky the night before Thanksgiving. This year Ashley and I were joined by my mom, Larry, and Stormie. It was rather cold, and because of my head injury I can't be around so many flashing lights and people so this year we watched from the other side of the lake. It was still fun, and then we got to drive through all the lights.
Ashley and I stayed at my parents that night and then the next day watched the parade together, and just enjoyed the day. We had dinner as a family, and just enjoyed being together.<br />
<br />
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
{three} </h3>
<b>CMChat </b><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.cmchatlive.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="http://www.cmchatlive.com/" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrCKF1Mx3vQG_lrgGAd_AXZ2_8NMP-zDp67f1XZ7cW1qsdok2dkYGUvPZYvDMdr9K3qAxFuv75395_F8KzTptY-0vC75-w-UIbBnCFhS0_XWAa92euUDpd3uBw_ux6tm-Y8hUkfw4-uiP6/s1600/cmchat.jpg" /></a></div>
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Last week I joined the CMChat team. CMChat is a wonderful group which consists of an "online magazine", large social media aspect that links fans with artists, and so much more. It is a great chance for me to combine my love of writing with my love of country music. I will be doing a variety of tasks from them. It could be anything from interviewing artists, writing reviews, live tweeting events, writing articles etc. I am very excited about this opportunity and am so blessed to be working with these amazing people. Click on the picture to check out the site!<br />
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<b>Knitting </b><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggidW0HqeQE2jDtpMMMhYOF6o9f6Chnig69CsdmsTevBFSP6zn2gAxHKUGMx5gJOOaVV3JIxqIYFpnMwsacHjgLu9B0jKoItAcmD3fOGVn9IOGcDEzlKmbI3gAzs5HGsjJzl5qolBi6jRD/s1600/IMG_7847.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a> <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC2c2wlMuu4_KtBPYL25QITlxvcaiMS4JhEDrFgWVc8jQwOoj4l9reH2c0P1oHjHHVBhbJiGaxBC6x-RBGXqOsOm2m2piD-0bEJYBWPZMCwMm3dWBan-EGA6XDReF8KKfmp2jPpG3KW94x/s1600/IMG_7846.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC2c2wlMuu4_KtBPYL25QITlxvcaiMS4JhEDrFgWVc8jQwOoj4l9reH2c0P1oHjHHVBhbJiGaxBC6x-RBGXqOsOm2m2piD-0bEJYBWPZMCwMm3dWBan-EGA6XDReF8KKfmp2jPpG3KW94x/s1600/IMG_7846.JPG" height="150" width="200" /></a>I started knitting again a couple weeks ago. Since I lost the baby it has been hard for me to really get back into it because for some reason it always reminded me of babies. This time it has been great though. It has helped me relax and is something I can still do even when my head is bothering me (unlike reading). So far I have completed 5 Christmas presents and am working on my 6th. I have done a variety of things, but you will have to wait til after Christmas to actually see them ;-).<br />
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<b>Advent </b><br />
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Today is the first day of Advent which brings along some more holiday traditions. Ashley and I have several books we read from throughout Advent, in addition to our Advent calendar and Advent wreath. It is something we look forward to every evening, and I love sharing this with her.<br />
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<b>Friends </b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaF4-NghWq6AGwXtsHqgArJylgDe92huCInoP6ukdkoxPCcfro3wwpkJEGrGvPXudc6yDxprzmRyavDja1cZwobtC3u9E8VyJVjXHwVXunFmsAVTYONAB8bjyxAW9N4ro4gKAyfltViMW_/s1600/friends.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaF4-NghWq6AGwXtsHqgArJylgDe92huCInoP6ukdkoxPCcfro3wwpkJEGrGvPXudc6yDxprzmRyavDja1cZwobtC3u9E8VyJVjXHwVXunFmsAVTYONAB8bjyxAW9N4ro4gKAyfltViMW_/s1600/friends.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a>Since my accident it has been hard for me to get out with friends. However, in the last couple weeks I have made that a priority. I went out with Katy for her birthday and we had a blast. Katy is one of my former youth group students, and I also sponsored her through confirmation. Aside from all that she is a great friend. It had been entirely too long since we had seen each other, and we have vowed to get together way more frequently from now on.
I have also made a better effort to meet up with other friends, and have joined some groups to meet up with people with similar interest (such as a crafting group).<br />
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<i>Well, that's what has been going on with me. What's going on with all of you? Leave me a comment and let me know. Then click on the Mom's Mingle button above and head over to the blog hop and check out all the wonderful blogs. </i>Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-47212171508291603042013-11-13T13:55:00.000-06:002013-11-13T13:55:05.762-06:00Wordless Wednesday: Through A Teacher's Eyes <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div align="center"><a href="http://www.thejennyevolution.com/category/linky-parties/wordless-wednesday/" title="The Jenny Evolution"><img src="http://www.thejennyevolution.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/WW300.jpg" alt="The Jenny Evolution" style="border:none;" /></a></div>Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-84908799090618107112013-11-11T12:08:00.001-06:002013-11-11T12:23:06.811-06:00Veteran's Day <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As you know I am a huge military supporter and do as much as I can to help and honor all of our military men and women. I think today is an important day to stop and give thanks to all those who have served for us, but more importantly I think it is important to remember that every day. Remember those who have lost their lives. Remember those who have served. Remember the families and friends who are at home waiting for their return, and remember all those who return home, but will never again be the same. They truly are making a sacrifice for us, and for that I thank them. <br />
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There really aren't words to adequately express my gratitude, but I don't think it can be said any better than this. Please take a moment and listen to the words of Ronald Reagan, and stop to say your own little prayer, and give thanks.Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-42350416162359855622013-11-06T22:49:00.002-06:002013-11-06T22:49:45.518-06:00Thursday Favorites: Music Edition Normally for Thursday favorites I tell you 5 things I am enjoying in my life, or 5 products I love. Well this week is going to be a bit different. This week I have been listening to lots of music, and of course watched the CMAs as well. So this week I am going to give you 5 songs that are topping my list this week, and I guess this is the country edition. I didn't intend for it to be that way, but got to the bottom of the list and there it was. <br />
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1. Luke Bryan- Drink A Beer<br />
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His performance on the CMAs was amazing and very touching. It isn't up on YouTube yet but I am sure it will be so check for it in a few days. He performs this song for both of his siblings who have passed. His older brother was killed in a car accident, and they still don't know what happened to his sister (read more <a href="http://www.examiner.com/article/luke-bryan-s-song-drink-a-beer-the-story-behind-it-revealed" target="_blank">here</a>) . Such a sad story and such a wonderful tribute to them.<br />
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2. Blake Shelton- Mine Would Be You<br />
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Blake performed this song at the CMAs as well. He also won Male Artist of the Year and Album of the Year. I have been a fan of Blake's for years. I believe I have seen him in concert 11 times. When I first started following him he would play in some of the Country Club in the areas and wasn't selling those out, and now he is selling out the Sprint Center. It is just crazy. Oddly watching him perform this on the CMAs made me a bit sad. I think it was a combination of things. First, I didn't get to see him the last time he was in town because of my concussion and that really bothers me. Also though I miss him playing in small venues, the connect with the audience, it was such a fun time, but that won't ever happen again.<br />
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3. Collin Raye- Love Me<br />
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This song came out many many years ago. I remember hearing it for the first time on the radio and it immediately brought tears to my eyes. I heard it on the radio this week, for the first time in years, and once again tears immediately sprang to my eyes. It is such a touching song. Love like that doesn't come along every day, but this song makes me wish it was this way for everyone.<br />
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4. Jason Michael Carroll- Alyssa Lies<br />
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This is another tearjerker, but it is also a necessity. I wish everyone had to listen to this song, especially those working with children. This song does an excellent job of highlighting the fact that sometimes one night can make a huge difference. I was trying to relay that to someone this week, and eventually ended up just having them listen to the song, and then they got it. Sometimes one night, or one more chance can be a matter of life and death.<br />
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5. Carrie Underwood- How Great Thou Art<br />
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If you haven't seen this performance by Carrie Underwood featuring Vince Gill, you seriously need to. It is done so beautifully and so powerfully. I come back to it all the time, and am still amazed by it. She is a true star both musically but also the way she presents herself. She is definitely someone people could look up to.<br />
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<i>Please take a minute to leave me a comment and hit subscribe. I love hearing from my readers.Then head on over to the Thursday Favorites Blog Hop and check out some amazing bloggers. </i><br />
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-58628632544521074672013-11-05T22:40:00.000-06:002013-11-06T16:50:49.344-06:00Here's Your Sign: Follow Your Heart <br />
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In <a href="http://ashleysmom-katie.blogspot.com/2013/10/the-best-you-that-you-can-be.html" target="_blank">a post </a>last week I discussed the fact that I have been having a bit of a rough time lately. I am working on some things to help with my happiness and hopefully keep me from being so overwhelmed, all while adjusting to changes and restrictions. With some things changing so drastically it's hard not to get down from time to time, or to mourn the loss of my old life. It would be easy to just give up hope, but instead I'm really trying to focus on the positive things. With that comes accepting the things I can't change, without dwelling on them. That sounds easy enough, but some days that's simply easier said than done.<br />
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Friday while I was at work I was trying to stay positive, and was having a pretty good day. I was looking forward to the weekend, and I felt like some of the changes I was implementing were already starting to make a difference. During the afternoon I had some quiet time to myself and was thinking about several different things. As my mind continued to rehash everything going on in my life there was one question I kept coming back to. I was trying to make a rational decision but basically needed to decide if I should follow my heart, and I am not sure there is anything rational about that. I felt like it's what I wanted to do, but was trying to determine if it was really what was best for everyone in the situation. I honestly felt like it was, but was having a hard time determining if that was a realistic view, or if it was skewed by my own personal wants. About 1:30 one of my coworkers came in to let me know she was taking over and they were letting me go early. I was still in the middle of thinking about this, when she walked in, and decided I would give it a little time before making a decision, and by then maybe there would be some sort of sign letting me know what to do. Maybe there would be something that would show me a little bit of hope that I was doing the right thing.<br />
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I started closing out which included taking the trash out to the dumpster behind the building amongst other things. On the side of the building there are several trees, which are gorgeous throughout Autumn. They have long oval shaped skinny leaves that are brilliant shades of yellow and red. I walked down the hall with thoughts still running through my mind and hoping that over the next few days I would get some sort of sign, some reassurance that I really was doing the best thing. I knew I couldn't dwell on it so with a quick "please let me know I am doing the right thing" I stopped thinking about it and stepped out the door.<br />
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As soon as I stepped out the door a smile spread across my face, and that quickly turned to laughter. All I could think about was Bill Engval saying "here's your sign" or John Wayne showing up multiple times and me saying "okay okay I get it!" You see, as soon as I walked outside my sign was laying right at my feet.<br />
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I picked the small sign up and took it back inside with me. I meant to take it home over the weekend but somehow it got left behind. Unfortunately it had some time to curl up, change color a bit, and wasn't in perfect shape by the time I returned on Monday, but that almost made it better. I wish I had a picture from the first day, but today when I walked in it was flat once again. It is now pressed between some tape and tucked safely inside my book. It's pretty hard to ignore the sign when you ask "Should I follow my heart?" and walk outside to find a beautiful leaf in the shape of a perfect red heart lying at your feet. Where this leaf came from I don't know. All the others are long skinny ovals, but wherever this leaf came from I am sure glad it did, because it's exactly what I needed that day. It was my sign, a little shimmer of hope that I am doing the right thing. A reminder that my heart may be bruised, but it's still intact and when I follow it, things will be okay. <br />
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<i>As always I appreciate you stopping by my blog today. I love hearing from your guys so don't forget to leave me a comment, and hit the subscribe button. </i>Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-33810380849181950132013-11-03T21:01:00.000-06:002013-11-03T21:04:10.580-06:00Making Memories: Gnome/ Fairy Houses<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A couple week's ago several posts started popping up across a variety of the parenting sites I visit. Gnome or Fairy houses seemed to be popping up in Overland Park, no one knew quite where they came from, but they were on a walking trail for everyone to enjoy. Originally people mentioned finding two and later finding three, but after our visit we believe there is even more. The girls might not be into gnomes, but they are very into fairies so I knew this was something we had to go check out.<br />
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So Sunday evening we headed out. The trail is located directly behind DeAnna Rose Farmstead so we parked there and then headed to the trail. We found the trail and headed to the right, it was only a few minutes before we came across the Firefly Forest sign. We were a bit confused because from what we had seen online we thought there were houses near the sign, but couldn't find any.<br />
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We decided to continue on the trail and soon came across the first two houses. They were adorable. Decorated both outside and inside, and with multiple messages of sharing kindness. People had left small notes and trinkets in both of the houses, and one was even complete with a pumpkin by the door. Both homes were completely decorated from crystals hanging from the ceiling to beds and nightstands. No detail was neglected, these homes were perfect. After thoroughly examining these two houses we continued on.<br />
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We had walked for several minutes before discovering the third house. This house was built into a tree. A small red door opened to share the small details located inside. It like the others had many trinkets inside and looked the perfect place for a fairy to reside. It was complete with a flag, welcome message, lantern, and even a small plaque above the door. Someone had clearly put a lot of thought into this tiny home. <br />
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We walked a bit farther but since it was getting dark and we were unsure if there were more we turned around and headed back to the car. It wasn't until we got home and saw some more posts that we discovered we had missed two of the houses that we would have had to follow the path under the road in order to find. We had been told there were 3 and we found three, but as near as I can tell from our experience and other's pictures, as of today there are at least 5 homes to discover. It is a very easy walk on a paved path and the houses are easy to spot. It was definitely an enjoyable outing and both Larry and I came home with the desire to create our own fairy houses and add it to the Firefly Forest. I hope others do this too and that it will continue to grow. I think not knowing where all of these are coming from adds to the magic and enchantment of it all. I hope we can return and see the other houses we missed and hopefully some new ones as well. This is a great little outing for families in the area, and in the spring when Deanna Rose is open again it would be a great add on to an afternoon trip.<br />
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According to the KMBC website, there are the two homes we missed. (source: http://www.kmbc.com/news/kansas-city/gnome-homes-pop-up-in-overland-park/-/11664182/21579282/-/ayngy9z/-/index.html ) They look just as adorable as the three we did see. <br />
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Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3077340966912506006.post-12344766542345587112013-11-01T00:37:00.000-05:002013-11-01T15:55:39.534-05:00Five on Friday: What I'm Doing<br />
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<b>1. What I'm reading...</b></h4>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdcTDo2s9S43vCo__KpBElW5Xr98cRyIkX2Vx1HvfdH2I_lXDzvB4qG0BJocB3rdkfwuOg5WZlYvHoT8rgUGBeFPv5z0aXimoBlcXM57C1MC9HDhZMDGGsXaLJhg-dvj6dW0I_a-XY4a4h/s1600/books.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdcTDo2s9S43vCo__KpBElW5Xr98cRyIkX2Vx1HvfdH2I_lXDzvB4qG0BJocB3rdkfwuOg5WZlYvHoT8rgUGBeFPv5z0aXimoBlcXM57C1MC9HDhZMDGGsXaLJhg-dvj6dW0I_a-XY4a4h/s1600/books.jpg" /></a>I am currently reading <i>Love, Rosie </i>the entire story is told via e-mails and letters between the main characters. I have read several books written in this format and I really enjoy them. This story focuses on two best friends who grow up together, and stay close even after one moves away. The entire world thinks they are meant for each other, but they aren't quite convinced yet. This is a book I checked out at the library a couple weeks ago. I am not even sure how I stumbled upon it, but I am definitely glad I did.<br />
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<b>2. What I'm watching...</b></h4>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTua7JwDDhilxh2IZTV7-DoKdJXonOQK__9e3KZkjAHnCgZ8TRCkXknMFY_pGKAmknA6_JDxChYfR_CzTrwMJ79abgeBUMWeLmVC9VXpKLvURk_s6APLnyZfseqgOIVxNS8V2sGXoBAoAs/s1600/spookley-the-square-pumpkin-3255802.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTua7JwDDhilxh2IZTV7-DoKdJXonOQK__9e3KZkjAHnCgZ8TRCkXknMFY_pGKAmknA6_JDxChYfR_CzTrwMJ79abgeBUMWeLmVC9VXpKLvURk_s6APLnyZfseqgOIVxNS8V2sGXoBAoAs/s1600/spookley-the-square-pumpkin-3255802.jpg" /></a>I honestly haven't watched much TV at all this week. It has been a very busy week with not much down time. What little I have watched has been Halloween specials. I definitely love all the holiday specials from Halloween through Christmas. Of course this week I have watched Spookley a couple times. It is definitely one of my favorite Halloween movies. In addition to those I am recording several things. I need to get caught up on The Voice and Agents of Shield. I think I am also a few episodes behind on How I Met Your Mother. <br />
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<b>3. What I'm smelling...</b></h4>
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I still think my marshmallows over a fire is my favorite candle, but I have also been burning lots of pumpkin and autumn scented candles the last couple weeks. I have also been able to have my windows open a lot and frequently smell leaves and fire pits. I really do love the smell of fall.<br />
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<b>4. What I'm listening to... </b></h4>
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I have been listening to music a lot this week. It definitely helps me relax, and when I need time to think about something music is a way for me to clear my brain so I can focus on the task at hand. As you know from my previous post I have been listening to Ronnie Eaton. I've also been listening to a variety of country music. Toby Keith's new album just came out and I'm excited to hear it.<br />
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<b>5. What I'm feeling... </b></h4>
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This week I am really working on strategies to stay calm and not feel overwhelmed. Since my concussion it has been easier for things to start overwhelming me as I can't process multiple things at once. I am trying a couple different things right now that help me sort through things, process them, deal with what needs dealt with, and let go of the rest. It's only been a few days, but I can already tell how much this is going to help. <br />
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</i>Katiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11504071719092332343noreply@blogger.com0