Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Turn It Up Tuesday: Headlines

Time for something a bit more light-hearted. I always loved "Headlines" on Leno, so today I am going to share a few that make me laugh. 

Epic Mommy Adventures

Sunday, May 18, 2014

And Then It Was Sunday

I knew it would hurt, I knew I’d feel broken
But I can stay strong, those words never spoken 
I awoke in the morning and put a smile on my face
Don’t let it fade, just keep it in place

But then it was Sunday

I kept myself busy I ignored all the pain
Never stop and think, gotta keep myself sane
I made the choice, and thought it was best
I attempted each day with a new found zest

But then it was Sunday

My guard was up; my heart was locked
No one could get in; I’d keep them all blocked
I thought I could do it, I thought I’d succeed
And with my heart I started to plead

But then it was Sunday

And when it was Sunday

The thoughts consumed me I couldn’t push them away
My heart was breaking, my determination started to sway
I was surrounded with pain, my smile nowhere to be found
The tears came quickly, and crashed to the ground

And when it was Sunday

I picked up the phone, but put it back down
I could just go see you; I could drive across town
No, I can’t, I shouldn’t, I refuse to give in
But what should I do? My heads starting to spin 

And when it was Sunday

I wouldn’t call you, but I hoped you’d call me
How were you doing? I wanted to see
I hope you’re alright, I hope you’re okay
And at the end of the day, that’s all I needed to say  

Monday, May 12, 2014

I Know You're Not

It's been bugging me for weeks.
It's running through my head, over and over and over again.
It won't stop.
It's making me crazy.
Why can't I stop thinking about it?
It was just a simple act of kindness.
It shouldn't even matter.
It's not a big deal; right?
It didn't mean anything; did it?
Is it because it highlighted a difference?
Yes maybe that's it.
Maybe I've figured it out.
Now I can stop thinking about it.
NO! That's not it.
It did show that, but there's something else.
I continue to think about it.
It continues to plague my thoughts.
I continue to exam it.
I can't make it stop.
It doesn't matter.
Really, it's not a big deal.
It's really not.
I know that...
Don't I?
Yes!  I know that, I really do.
But then WHY can't I stop thinking about it?
I don't want to think about it anymore.
It doesn't matter.
I really don't care.
There is no significance.
But here I am...
Thinking about it again.
Still trying to figure out why I care.
Still trying to figure out what difference it makes?
WAIT! I think I've got it.
I've FINALLY figured it out!
Maybe the act itself isn't significant at all...
Yes, that's it.
The act itself isn't significant
What's significant is that when you asked, I answered "I'm fine" but without another word, you reacted as if to say "I know you're not."

Can't Make It All Make Sense

Tonight as I was listening to some music one of my favorite songs came on and I was instantly slammed with memories. This definitely isn't unusual as often when listening to a song I am transported back to another time and place, possibly the first time I heard the song, maybe seeing it performed live, or maybe some significant moment it was playing during.  This wasn't like that though. They weren't memories that had any association with the song, or at least not directly. Instead they were memories of a friend. A friend I once considered one of my best friends, but a friend I haven't spoken to in over a year, and haven't seen in several.

Although I think of this friend often tonight it felt like I was run over by a truck. It was such a stark difference from my normal reaction to the song. Although it is a sad song and provokes emotion from many people, for me it provides peace. I cried the first time I heard it (and many times sense) but I also felt an overwhelming sense of comfort. Finally someone was saying what I was feeling, "Sometimes the greater plan is kind of hard to understand. Right now it don't make sense, can't make it all make sense."

That's not what I felt today though. When I heard it today I felt heartache. I could hear the words coming out of his mouth and I know he has felt these same things, and instead of peace I felt pain. I hate thinking about the pain he has gone through. I hate that he has suffered the losses he has, and I know he has felt the type of pain I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Through the years and changes in our lives we are no longer a part of each other's lives. We will shoot the other an e-mail on occasion or hear about the other through mutual friends, but we definitely aren't close the way we once were. I miss him, and I wish we were still as close as we once were, but even more than that I wish I could take away every ounce of his pain.

Go listen here!  Luke Bryan: Drink A Beer