Saturday, September 22, 2012

People Change

This quote could not be any truer to my life, especially lately. I often hold onto people for longer than I should because I remember the person they use to be. I remember the good times, and the positives they added to my life. I am not willing to just forget about all of that, and it often leaves me getting hurt. I know and accept that people change, and yet I feel like there is always a little of the "old them" left behind. 

Recently my views on this have been changing. I have people who I just have to accept that the "old them", the friend I knew and loved simply no longer exists. They are no longer that person and although I so badly want at least some of that person left it simply isn't. This is very hard for me to accept because it is a loss almost like a death. In both cases someone you love and care about is simply gone. The difference is with death there is closure and finality. The decision is taken from you. In changes the person is left having to figure it out and find the strength to remove people from their lives. You have to be willing to walk away from someone who was once a wonderful part of your life because they now have nothing positive to add. You have to keep the memories and the pictures in a safe spot and reminded yourself that they will always be there even when everything else changes. 

I have found that strength with some and still search for it with others. It is a process and realization is the first step.  


  1. Katie, this post made me cry a little because it really hit how I've been feeling lately right on the nose. I couldn't say it better myself. I do the exact same thing - I keep people around, even after they have changed and are not adding anything positive to my life anymore, because I miss that old person and I think that if I keep them around just a little longer, that old person will re-emerge. But that old person is gone, for now at least, but I can't wait around for the chance that the old person I loved so much will come back. I will waste away waiting and maybe miss out on opportunities. To me, it's worse than death because with death you know it's so final but when people change it is so easy to always have that nagging little voice, maybe if I did more the old person will come back. This is what I struggle with more than anything. I look at old photos too and remember all those good times. Why do people change so drastically over the years? I spent the past year thinking that *I* caused the change, but now I realize that a person changes because they choose to. They take their circumstance and decide to let it change them. But it's so unfair. I once read this quote that said that love is such a confusing thing because your love has to change as the person changes. But you are so right, sometimes you have to just cut your losses and let the person go because they are no longer that beloved personality. I spent years stubbornly believing that the "old them" is still there and if I just did this more, or that more, they would come back. I spent years on that, almost every night crying, because I was so frustrated it wasn't working. Now I realize why it didn't work.. because that person no longer exists. They are a new person. A person that if I met as a stranger right now, I would NOT want in my life. So ironic and strange to me. But I have seen certain people go from loving, attentive, and caring, to harsh, mean, and belittling. Sometimes people do things and there is no coming back from that. The biggest part I struggle with is believing that I caused the negativity, but now I realize that I cannot cause anything like that, only that person can let himself change.

    Sorry this response is so long, but your post was so relevant for me. Thank you. <3

    Love, Debra

  2. Love you girl! Honestly this blog has really thrown me for a loop today. I often times am emotional when I am doing my writing, but this one has affected me all day.

    Ironically this post isn't referring to my ex though it does somewhat apply. It is referring to some former friends and trying to figure out how they fit in my life at this point. I have come to the point where I know I probably need to cut some people out of my life and yet it is scary and breaks my heart. I feel like it is such a loss, but I can't hang onto something that isn't there.