Sunday, July 28, 2013

Remembering Our Angel Baby

Today, July 28th, we should be celebrating our babies first birthday. Instead it's a day we remember what we lost. We think of our angel baby frequently, but days like today are the hardest. Instead of writing much today I am going to share a few things with you that demonstrate my thoughts and feelings. 

I have come across many wonderful quotes, but there is one that always stands out in my mind.  "Dear Lord, I would have loved to hold my baby on my lap and tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap and tell them about me?" Someone else originally said it, but I have felt it many times. Mother's Day 2012 was an especially hard day for me. I was in Rolla and decided to go out to the cemetery. I visited the grave sites of many friends and family members. I stopped at Uncle Joe's grave and spoke to him for quite a while. Uncle Joe was Ashley's godfather. He married my Aunt about 9 or 10 years ago, and he was a wonderful man. That day this quote was on my mind and I know I needed to talk to him. I was feeling bad about my angel baby  spending Mother's Day without his mom, and that while we never got a chance to know him, he also never got the chance to know us. So I decided I needed to talk to Uncle Joe and make a deal. I would take over part of his Godfather duties and would teach Ashley as much as I could about God and the importance of being a good person, and he could talk to our angel baby about us and our family. This isn't something I discussed with anyone before or even after, but it definitely made me feel a bit better about things.

I understand that people don't know what to say after something like this happens. Honestly there aren't words that help. There are some that make things worse though. I found this article and want to pass it along  10 Things You Should Never Say To A Miscarriage Survivor.  I would love to say I haven't heard these things, but I have and some worse. The very worst is when people say things about it being for the best, or how I should feel like it's for the best. I know people have good intentions, but I will NEVER think the death of a baby is for the best. Although there may not be any right words, ignoring that it happened doesn't help either. My best advice is to be sensitive and caring, and if you don't know what to say simply saying "I don't know what to say" works just as well if not better. Trust me I don't know what to say either. 

With all of that said...Today instead of celebrating with our baby we are thinking of him fondly and hoping he knows just how much he is loved. Ashley wants to do something to celebrate his Birthday, and I am sure we will. Last year we did a balloon release, but I am not sure what we will do this year. She is adamant baby brother would want us to celebrate, so I am sure we will find a way to honor this day the best we can. 

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